I was seeing this guy for about 3months, he would phone evryday and was so nice and kind to me. Always asking me to go out places with him, talking about meeting his family etc, then he stayed over at my house one night (as normal) and for the first time he left some underwear, clothes etc and as he was cuddlin me in am he stuttererd I love...and then stopped. Since that moment he has ignored my calls, texts and completely cut me off. What did I do wrong?
commonsense Wed 22/10/08 13:30
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you almost made him grow up-- he's not ready for you yet sorry
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Question Author
24....but Ive been so down since then, its making me question everything about myself. I also have a little boy and came out of an abusive relationship over a year ago, so yeh I suppose I had major baggage, but he used to sit and talk over it all with me and support me with it all.
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Maybe he just found it all a bit too much to cope with - especially if he's young. He probably thought he could cope at first.
I had this happen to me twice - a supportive guy who thought he could handle when the going got tough, but then changed their minds.
I'm sure he genuinely liked you & sure you didn't do anything wrong. He should not be ignoring you though; that's just hurtful. He should at least give you an explanation - but unfortunately you cannot force him to. A lot of men go off into their little hideouts or curl into their shells when they can't handle things.
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I think sallabanas has got this situation analysed correctly.
He may have realised that he is getting into a serious relationship with you, which will involve commitment, and he may just be scared, and have run off, which is neither adult, or expecially kind.
He may come back, burt if not, mark it down to his feelings, and not to anything you did or did not do.
Sadly, in order to find any kind of meaningful relationship, you need to put yourself out there, with the risk of being hurt in the process.
Put anohter way - you will find a prince, but you do have to kiss a lot of frogs first!
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Listen to Dot and Salla, Andy and Squad. They`ve all got it right.
PS what happened to his underclothes??
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Forgot to say, it`s usual that people leave things behind as an excuse to come back.
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Another thought, do you know, are you sure he`s still alive?
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is his name ben fardon ?? if it is then girl move on he does it to all of us xx
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Maybe hes just off trying to put things into context...he made a big leap by nearly professing his feelings - and he got scared..
Give him a bit of space, and fingers crossed if hes enjoyed the last 3 months, he'll realise that hes been a bit silly running off and going "incommunicado", and you can hopefully start a stronger, happier relationship
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I dont think you did anything wrong at all. He was going to say (i think) I love you...before he stopped. Maybe he got scared. Maybe he's commitment scared. Maybe hes just not ready for a relationship at such a young age. Some guys find it hard to talk about their feelings. Give him some space & time will tell. He may get back to you. If not, find someone who'll respect you enough to let you know if he's breaking it off instead of leaving you wondering. Thats not nice of him to do that! If you really want to know why, post him a letter? not pages and pages just a sweet nice letter asking whats happened, tell him your not mad you just want to know!?
Good Luck!
Chin up
x
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I realise that you are hurting, but he sounds an immature wimp to me.Just text him and tell him his undies are at the OXFAM shop and then forget him.You sound too nice for him anyway.
Good luck for the future.
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Please don't blame yourself.
I came out of a abusive relationship nearly 2 years ago now and have had a few relationships since that weren't right for lots of reasons.
I blamed myself every time one ended until I had some excellent counseling that made me realise it is the type of men I am going for that is the problem.
If you do work on yourself to learn to like and love yourself it becomes so much easier. Its nasty when they just ignore you though my last boyfriend did that to me but I was glad in a way as it made it easier to get over him.
I tried to end it several times before he actually did so it was a relief once the shock had wore off.
It can be scarey being on your own but also exiting too as you are able to put yourself first after the children of course.
You will meet someone who is right for you one day and will look back on this a learning curve.
I wish you all the best for the future x
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