Selfish boyfriend or me being lame
Right!! I've just got off the phone to my boyfriend and we were talking about going to the casino tomorrow night. He is going to America (taking in Las Vegas, Northern ligts, Alaska etc) for 3 weeks next month and in the phone convo he mentioned Las Vegas casinos and i said in jest 'oh i can't belive you're going to Las Vegas without me!' and he got shirty and said 'well i did invite you'. HA!! We started dating in Dece,ber last year and he said he has been thinking about a 3 week america trip and asked if id like to go. I said id love to but wouldnt be able to afford it for at least a year. So that was that. And then in March, he booked it for himself and a mate from work to go on!! I would have loved to have gone, but couldnt afford a 3 week trip this year. So now anyway he is going and we havent been away at all this year as he has used all holiday and savings on this trip. His parents even gave him £5,000 after he saved the cash 'to enjoy himself.' I live by myself, he lives in a houseshare. we are both in our 20's. Is he selfish or am i lame? Just wanted to vent my anger! any opinions welcome thanks xx
sunchime Thurs 21/08/08 21:06
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Ice, his parents gave him £5,000 ...
Anyhow, I still cant see why she is being lame? lol
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I can't either petal. Men are so mean these days.
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Errr, this is a tricky one..
Personally if I had been given 5k for a holiday then I would have used some of it to try and take another person I "cared" about with me on the holiday
But he is not in the wrong for not doing so! he did ask if you would like to go, the fact you can't afford it isn't really his problem seeing as it was planned before you meet.
Plan a holiday together next year and maybe you should suggest he "house shares" with you before then
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Velvetee, no way am I saying he should pay for her, but I think if he cared enough about her, really wanted her to go with him, and he had this £5,000 given to him by his parents, he could of offered to lend a bit to her.
Maybe he just wanted a holiday with his mates instead!!
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Rtaxron...now thats something I hadn't considered!!
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And what's wrong with that? It's HIS money, he should be allowed to use it as he wishes! They've been together 6 months, it's not like they're married and he goes off on holidays with the money they have in common!
Why should she expect him to lend her money? If she really wanted to go, she could borrow it from someone else too.
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none of us know the real conversation do we.....
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lol My "what's wrong with that" referred to wanting a holidays with his mates, not being gay! Although there's nothing wrong with being gay either.....lol
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You're being lame he did offer. Book a holidaty with your friends, although I think you should get rid, he's a gambler.
No good will come of it.
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not so sure about this idea of him 'lending' her some money so she can go with him. Would she really expect to pay it back? Would he expect her to? I'm frightfully old-fashioned in these matters but I don't think borrowing and lending money is a great basis for a relationship. It may be that a rich boy and a poor girl isn't either. Sunshime, I think you're going to sort out how best to handle this.If he's always going to be able to afford better stuff than you, how will you feel about it? Maybe someday when you're totally committed to each other (the kind of commitment where it would never occur to you to go on holidays without each other) you'll both be pooling what you've got and sharing equally. But do you think you'll get to that state when you feel angry and jealous about what he's up to?
I'm not saying I blame you; the same thing happened to me once, long ago, and I felt exactly the same about it as you do. But you're going to need to think how to make this relationship work in the longer term. I don't think you're lame, but I don't think he's selfish either.
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whatever!! but he is a really lucky bloke to be given £5,000 by his parents to "enjoy himself"
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did he "offer" or just say, you can come if you can afford it?.... bit of a difference there....
why am I getting so involved with this post btw? lol
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Lol - hang on - I'll just go and ask The Husband if he's feeling generous....
Toddles off.....
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I like you Jno, you sound like my partner, he too is "frightfully old fashioned". He never allows me to pay for anything, he feels it's wrong and not the "done thing"
Petal, did she mean the £5000 given to him by his parents, was actually his own money he saved, but they were apparently holding for him.
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anyway sunchime, you think you have problems, I have been seeing someone on/off (more off) for last 5 years. And he has had 2 bloody holidays this year without me.
And I didn't even hint for him to pay!! lol
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Question Author
Hi everyone, thanks for your replies. Well im kind of 'over it' now. I was just annoyed to begin with. He saved the cash and then his mum gave him an additional 5K. So he will definitely have enough money to enjoy himself!! Im not at all worried about him cheating on me (re there's lots of temptation' comment), I trust him 100%, that wasn;t the issue. I just wanted a little holiday (even a weekend break) with him. I bought a flat beginning of this year so as always with these things, money has been tight. He lives in a huge househare so bills are split and he stays round here quite a lot. i wouldnt dream of him paying for me, but i thought he might have said he could lend (and i do mean LEND) me money to have a cheap n cheerful weekend (like £200) as well as his big trip..... he never offered, so well. That's that. But like I said. Im over it all now. It's funny as in previous relationships, i have always earned more money that the guy (except one - and he took me to Bournemouth for a mini break, it was cool!) and i have paid for weekends away... nevermind. I've been promoted so am earning more money now...just got a few flat (carpets and garden) things to sort and then hopefully i will afford something next year. With him!!! haha, thanks everyone, some great opinions xx
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his parents gave him £5000!!!!
therefor couldnt he afford to put some towards you going!!!
i think slightly selfish!! xx
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If he made these plans before you started dating there is no problem. I would never change plans made before a relationship. I guess that is now being older and hopefully wiser, but in my 20's I might have. Then again in my 20's i probably would have been mad he went away. I would not wish for those insecure years ever again. Though the unsagging body would be welcomed back in a minute. :)
Plan something together when he gets back, even if it is a short weekend trip. Be independent.
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