Still don't know what to do.........

[FEELINLOST]

I'm back again on here as I've asked for advice before.
I have been in an abusive relationship and still don't know what to do.
I still keep causing my partner to be angry and when he gets angry I freeze with fear. He hasn't hit me for a while but the threats are getting worse and more frequent.

Another thing is we have been invited to a family wedding & christening soon, and I'm not sure if I can keep acting normal.

[Sasha13]

No one can help you unless you help yourself.

You keep causing your partner to be angry? No, that's how he chooses to react to a situation.

Can you move to a friend's or relative's house?

You need to speak to someone with expertise in this field.

www.womensaid.org.uk

[eyebrows]

just leave him, i know you may think its hard my sweet, but you need to have teh strenght to do it....

you cant live you life feeling like that.....you only have one life.....dont make it a miserable one....

there is nothing in thei world you cant do, if you want to be a millionairre, you can still do it.....

you control your life.....

why not seek profession advice from the police, or an organisation rather than just my silly old opinion

[vehelpfulguy]

>I still keep causing my partner to be angry

HE IS MAKING YOU FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE HE CANNOT CONTROL HIS ANGER.

Any man that hits a woman is just not worth bothering with. There is no excuse for it.

He will NEVER change and you have no long term future with him.

Many women in this country are KILLED by their abusive partners.

GET OUT WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.

[vehelpfulguy]

According to this site 2 women a WEEK are killed by an abusive partner.

Dont become one of them.

http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/crime-victims/red ucing-crime/domestic-violence/

[vehelpfulguy]

>He hasn't hit me for a while but the threats are getting worse and more frequent.

What sort of relationship is this.

FREQUENT THREATS !!!

You should NOT have to put up with threats.

What right has he got to threaten you. He is just a cowardly bully, picking on women.

This guy obviously has major problems and you are better off being OUT of his life.

[puddicat]

look they are all telling u, what do you want to hear from us abers, their are good answers out their, take their advice and stop pussyfooting around!!!!!!!!!!!!and do something about it1

[~gagica~]

you need to leave. there's no two ways abt. this. nothing you do (or dont do for that matter) "makes" him hit you. he will not stop
"hasn't hit me in awhile" ...my god you need to leave NOW.
listen to all the advice people have posted
hell; you need to leave before he kills you.

[Queenbee spk]

ok from one woman that was there for 7 years, you need to finish it.

What is it that keeps you together?

[FEELINLOST]

The reason I'm still with him is because I believe that he will change and we can live happy together. I still have love for him but must admit this is fading away.

Again I'm very close to his family & they treat me so well as one of their own.

I'm thankful to all of your replies and advice & I'm really taking it in, apart of me wants to go but the other cannot.

I've wanted to get some professional help for myself & my relationship but my partner has said that I need to help myself and don't need a stranger..................

[Ric.ror]

If you chose to stay with him PLEASE contact one of the helplines. They are ONLY there to help and will not condemn or judge you

[andrea81]

"I still keep causing my partner to be angry"??????

That scares me, do you honestly think you make him angry? Honestly chick, he is angry because thats the type of person he is!

Stop blaming yourself and do what you know you should do... none of us on here needs to tell you do we? LEAVE!

Find some advice form proffesionals and make those important plans and then do it! I can't imagine it's that symple, but something has to give!

Chin up chick x x x x

[theonlyone]

He sounds like my ex and I put up with the sorry , I won't do it again , the last time he hit me I had a fractured skull , he was full of remorse . Then I found out he was having an affair with the neighbour , like a red rag to a bull , I divorced him , very messy but I am happy and he married the neighbour and is not happy !! Poetic justice !!!

[theonlyone]

Also meant to say there is a life out there for you and you will meet another person who will make you happy , you just have to be strong and leave him . Good Luck x

[bensmum]

I have to agree with the others here You don't cause him to get angry - the fact that he can't control his anger is very much his problem. He sounds like my ex-partner and people like that are so manipulative that they make you think it's your fault.
Don't hang around - he probably will never change and you need to get yourself away from the threat of violence. It isn't easy but you can do it, my regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

[Elizabeth ll]

First of all, no-one can cause another person to get angry, that is thier problem, with someone who is that out of control I myself would just walk away. How in the world can you love someone you fear??? You must have very low self esteem, he hasn,t hit you in awhile?? Sheesh, listen ,he shouldn,t be hitting you AT ALL, EVER. He has no right. You can do better, wouldn,t it be nice to love someone who cherishes you instead of making you fear him???? You have to be happy too. Your relationship is not NORMAL.

[lizzydrippin]

Hiya, I know its not easy for you to leave him. Even though he hurts you and intimidates you there's a part of you that still hangs on to the memory of what he was like before he began getting angry with you for the least little thing. You hope one day that he'll go back to being the nice guy you thought he was when you first fell in love with him. He won't though because he has problems, they just didnt show up when you were first together and he was on his best behaviour. The only slim chance your relationship has of working is if you did leave him and he was so shocked that he went and got help for his anger. Maybe then in the future you'll get back together. But one, he needs to love you and two, he needs to realize that he has a problem. But more important than him is yourself. You cant live like this just because you like his family. If they are that great and you are close to them maybe you could confide in one of them about whats going on. The only thing you shouldn't do is nothing. Ive been where you are and it was very hard to leave but years later when its all in the past I look back and think "why did I let it go on for so many years".

[FEELINLOST]

Thank you all for all your advice.

Everytime I check this post for replys and read what u all have to say my eyes fill up and I realise how damaged this relationship is but what I fail to understand is that my partner has said to me before he has never hit or been like this with any of his ex-partners. So I'm always thinking is this really me causing him to react this way with me, I must be doing something wrong.................

[Louisa 69]

I bet if you were to speak to anyone of his exs they would tell you he was exactly the same. He's trying to make you feel guilty it's a kind of control thing. Get out now while you can. There are good decent guys out there you don't have to put up with that , that's not love.

[mycats]

Aaw sweetie, I feel for you I really really do. I was there for 5 years and he WOULD have killed me in the end if I hadnt managed to get away. One difference with me was by that point I didnt love him I hated him, but was terrified. I knew I was never gonna get him out of my life, I cried myself to sleep everynight.

You know what? I left him 9 years ago and have NEVER been happier, it was scary and it took a while for me to accept/realise the truth - it wasnt ME, not my fault, same with you - IT'S HIM! HE has the problem and he will NEVER change.

You wont go until you are ready to, no matter how much you know that you should, or what people say to you, but you will be ready hon, I hope its soon, I really do

Do you have an emergency plan? Pack a small bag with a few clothes, a little money and any important documents (passport etc) in case you have to get out FAST!

Take care of yourself ok? (((HUGS)))

[joannab]

How long have you been with your partner? Im am now happily married but 4 years ago i was with a guy who i was madly in love with but he became abusive. It took me 2 years to finally realise i had to leave for my own good and for my friends and family who could see how much i was hurting (they didnt know the half of it) I know you will take all these opions on board and at the end of the day make your own decision. Please put yourself first, you have to be happy :) Take care