Marriage troubles

[daddylonglegs]

I need some advice. I'm in my early 30s and have been with my husband for 16 years. We have three children together. My husband does not respect me as he carries on doing things that he knows I have issues with. Porn, always looking at different women and some years ago he spied on my younger sister whilst she was getting dressed and also sexually asssulted her ( he groped her chest but she never went to the police) and through all of this I still stuck by him. Husband never surprises me, hes never interested in what I say anymore hes either watching films, playing the computer or out golfing, snooker, and football with his mates. Every time he gets caught with the porn we have an argument, he says hes sorry he loves me blah blah blah everything's good for a few months and then it all happens again. Yes I know its my fault as im constantly saying this is your last chance then of course he does it again and then again I take him back. Im a stupid mug with no self-esteem because of this but our kids absolutely dote on him and despite his faults hes a really good dad. Has anyone been through something similar, what did you do? Did you stay or leave? Surely if he really loved me he wouldn't keep doing what he does as he knows it upsets me. I feel physically sick at the moment as I feel like i'm married to a perverted creep. I know that some men look at porn im not stupid but its just something that im really against and he knows it.

[DTCwordfan]

They certainly need to talk and, yes, I hope dll is ok as she is clearly upset....And yes, there is a difference between consensual and forced.

[starone]

Well, she hasn't replied because this is her first question and she only joined today, draw your own conclusions. However, with regard to porn, I always thought it was just a flat image and not real, like me, so it never bothered me. Can't say I liked looking at it myself. I always felt rather embarrassed to think people could do this for a living rather than for personal pleasure. But, as they say, whatever turns you on.

[puddle-duck]

The gist I get from reading this is that although the porn is an issue, it's also the fact that your hubby seems to spend a lot of his time in activities that don't include you. Having an interest outside of the relationship is healthy, but there needs to be a balance in that you spend time as a couple too.

Do you do anything together as a couple?

Most men enjoy watching & looking at porn. If he is becoming obsessed with it & would rather watch porn than have sex, then you've got an issue. Porn should never be a substitute for the real thing.

Telling him that he's not allowed to watch it, won't solve the problem. he's going to watch it whether he's allowed to or not. All it's going to do is create more problems & arguments as he's going to start lying to cover up the fact he's still watching it.

Being in a relationship is about 2 people coming together with their own likes & dislikes. The problems set in, when one tries to dictate to the other what they can or can't do. In situations like this where you can't agree, you have to compromise & find the balance.

How about agreeing that he can watch it, but not to do it in your presence.

[pizza]

MMM you asked te question daddylonglegs and you knew the answer but you needed it confirmed.
This relationship has moved on from the early days and you can't accept it unless you move on this will make you a person you don't want to be, he is selfish and will do what makes him happy not what makes you happy.
For some couples give and take is part of the partnership for him computer golf snooker footie n porn is his life so MOVE on n enjoy your life the kids will always dote on him he's their dad but as for being a MAN ! you're better off on your own x