Where am I in this relationship?

[Mcvj]

Would love some advice from those with experience in this area... If you read my previous posts, went through some really tough times with my ex. To summarise, we were together for around 4 years and lived together for 3 of those, he had cheated on me and had a sordid double life on the internet scamming with both women and men. Moving on...

We broke up in April and in September I med a guy at a party who I thought was pretty fit, we ended up meeting up a few times and talking. Anyway, the first few months were really on and off, I was pretty mean and broke it off with him a few times,I felt like it was moving quite quickly as he had told me that he loved me (and I believe him). In January, I decided to really commit to the relationship (and I don't mean that previously I had been sleeping with other people, but that I didn't feel like I was giving it enough effort), and started to feel a lot closer to him. He's very attentive and emotional, he's mature and protective - a lot of qualities that I love about him. However, the downside is that he doesn't have a job (although has achievable ambitions), he's a know-it-all which tends to disagree with my stubbornness, and constantly talks over me.

I am really quite moody and when someone annoys me I stay quiet and stubborn, don't worry I'm quite aware of my own faults and I know that I am childish in this way. I feel like I'm not able to talk about my problems a) because I naturally find it difficult and b) because a lot of the issues with our relationship boil down to me being a snob and afraid to admit it to him.

[Mcvj]

I felt like because my ex was such a Man With Exotic Headgear I would really love feeling so loved by someone who genuinely cares about me, but instead I feel like my walls are completely up. They were initially of course because I was so hurt, but believe me when I say this guy does not have the capability of hurting me, in retrospect the initial 'on-off' period was me completely testing him.

I don't know what my question is... I don't know what my problem is, or if I have lots of them. I just don't really know what's going on at the moment or where I am. Is this common for the 'next serious boyfriend'

[woofgang]

could he be your "rebound guy?" personally i couldn't stand to be talked over but that's just me......

[ganesh]

Yeah,but what exactly is your question?

[Mcvj]

I suppose I'm wondering why I'm not giving him the love and respect that he deserves. I'm not scared to be alone, so I dont think that he is a rebound, Woofgang, There are genuinely things that I love about him and I love to be around him. I just dont seem capable of enjoying the relationship without making an issue out of something... the fact that he doesnt have a job so we cant afford to go out much etc.

[ganesh]

I think you are flattered by the fact that he loves and cares for you.You are telling yourself how you SHOULD feel not how you really feel.If you are having these doubts so early on in this relationship I don't really hold out much hope for it.

[coli05anna00]

I think you are still testing him, and ts no surprise after what you have been through. trust takes a long time to build and you need him to earn it for your own confidence levels. you also need to bare in mind he is not your ex and should not have to be punished for his errors. sounds to me as if he clearly does love you not many would be as patient or as understanding. must be tough on you tho. Many are out of work at the mo some through no fault of there own, he is being supportive toward you so supportive of him on this, that is assumming he is not a genuine sponger.

[Mcvj]

Thank you Coli, I think that that is what I wanted to hear. He's certainly not a sponger, too proud at times in fact. I think I need to change my attitude. xx

[davelee]

Yeah he definitely seems more like the rebound guy to me. But yeah maybe you should give him a chance. It usually takes time to switch back on after a breakup. But i think this guy deserves a chance. I don't know why but this reminds me of Rodney Rothman's reconnection with his first love who dumped him after 2 weeks. http://www.webtvhub.c...ects-with-teen-crush/

[grasscarp]

I wouldnt like somebody who "constantly talks over me".