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devilwoman | 19:21 Mon 20th Nov 2006 | Body & Soul
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very old couple in mcdonalds, he buys one meal and a drink, cuts burger in half and shares out fries, a man sees this , feels sorry for them and offers to buy another meal for them, thanks but we share everything says old man, then proceeds to eat while old woman just sits there. young man then says excuse me madam if you share everything how come you're not eating?
i'm waiting for the teeth she replies.
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Ok one more since im on a roll may as well go the whole hog as im bound to get banned

A brunette is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the brunette returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The brunette nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from all that skipping."
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brillient jokes, sepecially the nun one,
Mother superior and a novice driving through town when some idiot pulls right out in front of them, the novice hits the breaks hard and narrowly avoids an accident, the idiot leans out of his window and hurls a mouthful of abuse, Mother superior say to the the novice, forgive him, he doesn't realise you are a nun, show him your cross, so the novice leans out of the window and shouts, you fcuking tw*t!!

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