Leaving a partner

[phleb]

we have a home together, have a joint mortgage on it. I am now thinking of leaving him, and want to move away. I have no money to do that. I need to know how would it work in regards to our house. Im leaving because i don't want to live my life stressed all the time, if i go out, im being texted all day until i get home. he says get back!! i went for a shopping trip an hour and a half away, and he kept texting me saying get back, why you not set off earlier, thus making me drive fast and putting myself at risk on the motorway, just because i was scared of all the shouting that would happen when i get home. Today i got my uniform for my new job, and he says its too short, sort it or you cant work there. I am so drained and really need to leave before i break down. I have 2 kids, both at school. Please give me some advice. In addition to the above, there are other things that have made me feel like this. He resents me for not getting pregnant, his tests came back fine, so now thats another weapon he uses to say i can't have more kids, and im a fat sh+t, i am a bit over weight, just a stone, and will work on it, but due to all the depression i can;t concentrate. I am not sleeping at all at night. I am exhausted.

[ummmm]

If you have no money to leave then you'll have to ask him to leave.

Are they his kids? And why on earth would you be trying to get pregnant by someone so controlling?

[phleb]

I don't want to get pregnant now. I am so drained and confused. He won't leave. They are his kids.

[dotty.]

there are so many problems that there seems only one way to get back on track, get him to leave , you live at home with the kids, get your new job sorted, you don't really need him, he'll have to help support the kids til they leave full time education,

[ummmm]

Got any family or friends you can stay with?

Can he afford the mortgage on his own?

[dotty.]

you should get counselling too, for your relationship, i take it you are not actually legally married to him

[sandyRoe]

If he's so controlling how do you think he'd feel about you leaving?

[naomi24]

If they're his children they're his concern. You have a job so you have money coming in. Can you not just leave and go and stay with someone? Your mum maybe?

[grasscarp]

You haven't said one positive thing about this man and your main worry is the house. See a solicitor about this asap. Hope you can sort things out.

[phleb]

i had paid the house off. But then he wanted some money for business, so i agreed to let him take a mortgage on the house, i stupidly signed the paperwork so it was joint, as they wouldnt give it to him without my consent. He does pay it himself. I dont pay, as i had already paid the house off.

[ummmm]

Dotty, would you really go for counselling in a situation like that?

[ummmm]

Did you have the house before you met him?

[naomi24]

Sod the house. Just get out and sort that out later.

[dotty.]

i think so as he sounds a right control freak and he needs to realise that, and it probably would take the expertise of someone who knows how to get the message across. he's a bully and a chauvenist, but a counsellor would be able to tell if there is any hope for the relationship

[phleb]

Dotty, what do you mean about legally married? He is a fab dad, and the kids love him. They have picked up on the shouted, they said he always shouts at mummy. It doesnt scare them, as they never get shouted at. They are precious to us both. I just feel so welled up and want to dissapear.

[ummmm]

Are they your kids as well?

[dotty.]

he's not going to let the children leave unless he is made to understand the depths of despair he's caused o their mother, that needs intervention from a trained relationship counsellor

[phleb]

i have a bit of money coming in march so might have to wait till then, i have been saving and cannot access it until march. I will have to think of renting somewhere, but it would mean leaving my new job and moving away, i cannot possibily stay where he can stalk me.

[ummmm]

Lol....do you think every failed relationship goes through counselling first.

[phleb]

they are my babies.

[ummmm]

Right...so I presume you won't be willing to leave without them?