Worried about my mother-in-law. She is 88 this year and has been showing

[lilacben]

signs of Dementia. My husband and I live nearly 150 miles away but she has my brother in law living with her, he has been since his last marrige broke up. Over the months my husband phone calls to her have got very strange. She never goes out and doenst remeber my name any more or the grand/great grandchildrens names. Also the couple of times we have been up to visit she has been distant. This morning my sister in law phoned to say mum is not eating now althought my brother IL gets the food for her. I have been saying for a long time they need to get her assest. She will not go to the doctor.....ever! so they cannot get her to see one now. She is getting aggressive towards sister in law now also. Question is there anyway we can get someone to see her in her own home.? I know there are an aful lot of people with it so was hoping someone on here has some knowledge of it to help us. Many thanks Brenda x

[ummmm]

Phone social services.

[woofgang]

Social service will only intervene if you Mil is adjudged to be not competent to make her own decisions in this matter. Has anyone spoken to her GP? Your BiL is living with her, what does he say?

[cathfromsaron]

she needs to be assessed by the GP and then the elderly mental illness team can be called in, whether she agrees or not!

(not pleasant but often the best and safest route)

[gness]

This happened with my mother and we couldn`t get her to see a doctor. My brother and I made an appointment with her G.P. and told him about her behaviour and our concerns. He made a house call using the excuse of having to visit all patients over the age of eighty and that set the ball rolling.

[boxtops]

Her GP will pay a home visit if necessary - your BIL needs to contact the surgery.

[boxtops]

^.. and that's true, over-80s should be given an annual check - good ploy.

[solvitquick]

I speak from exprience in dealing with my partner's brother. When we knew he was acting extremely oddly, despite our living 200 miles away, I wrote a letter to his GP detailing his behaviour as observed by us and other members of his famiily.
Unfortunately I was told that the GP needed his agreement to visit him. We went to visit and I phoned the GP from a friends house saying I would talk to the patient and he agreed to stay on stand-by.
When we then met I said "how are you?" Before he could lie I said "not very well is it" He sadly agreed. I then spoke to him alone. Whatever he said were his imaginary happenings or even his thoughts about suicide I LIED and said "Yes I've felt similar things". Slowly winning him round we agreed that he would talk to his GP. I 'phoned GP who arrived quite soon and after questioning him 'phoned a hospital psychiatrist and arranged a that-day p.m. appointment. After lunch we took him to the hospital and after probing through his lies about trivial problems committed him to the hospital department. Of course his fast-deteriorating state was observed and he was sent to a nice home.
That is the way to deal with these awfully sad people: (gain their confidence by apparently empathising, whatever they say), STOP them lying immediately as they do to family or particularly authorities like Drs, and prearrange GP swoop that day when they agree.

[solvitquick]

Note: many of the above suggestions are WRONG - patient agreement has to be agreed. Many of the above replies are too simplistic and won't be possible!

[gness]

Getting the agreement of a patient with severe dementia is often impossible. Any G.P. worth his salt will work with the family, using if necessary devious means, to ensure the wellbeing of the patient. My mother has agreed to nothing since this illness took hold but she is well and cared for in a nice home.

[boxtops]

Sadly this becomes a Mental Capacity Act issue - the GP does need to be involved, in order for an accurate diagnosis to be made.

[woofgang]

Gp can visit as bil can let him/ her in to the house. Once in, if gp decides that patient not competent,then he can get an approved social worker involved (mental health) without the patients consent. I am glad that winning trust worked for you but in people with dementia it usually doesn't.

[DTCwordfan]

Boxie is right, as one who has to deal with it, a sympathetic play through her GP is the right way to kick this one off......each dementia (could be one of seven major types) has its own characteristics and what is good for the goose doesn't necessarily apply to the gander.

From the appraisals (and probably a CT scan and MRI to determine if there is aby vascular (stroke) damage) they will assess the best route forward. Your b-i-l at home will be important for keeping her there....does he get a carers allowance - one of the benefits along with an attendance allowance for her (£54 a week) and reduction of local taxes?

For example, my mother is mid Alzheimers and Vascular, known as Mixed. Can't remember family except eldest sis and me, can't remember what happened an hour ago, can remember the long term, has issues with what we term sequencing (putting basic tasks together in natural sequence) but has not taken to forgetting where she is or wandering off.........or overtly aggressive with non-family. Yes, she also has issues with losing jewellery, purses and accuses family over those - that is fairly standard.

The Alzheimer's Soc has a lot of info and many of us are on here regulalrly lilac.

http://alzheimers.org.uk/

their password is hard to remember as it has 16 characters......(joke) and remember humour is an important outlet in all of this sad disease.