Little girl and our pet cat

[ruthandsam]

Hi

My 4 year old daughter is usually well behaved apart from when she's tired. She attends pre-school at her nursery. She's been with the nursery since she was 1 year of age and now attends both the nursery and pre-school at primary school as well.

We've noticed that since she has started at the primary school her behaviour has been very trying. This is especially when she is with our pet cat. Pulling her ears, chasing her until she runs and hides. Tonight she shut the washing machine door on the cat's tail and is trying to hit her with a belt.

I've tried time out on the silly step. Telling her off. Taking away toys that she loves, etc. Even watching programmes about animals and how we must look after them and praising her for when she is good with the cat. My daughter has numerous scratches on her arms as the cat tries to defend herself but my daughter still doesn't stop the behaviour. I'm at a loss what to do next. Any ideas would be most welcome as it feels like the cat is being terrorized and it is very upsetting.

Many thanks

[ettelloc]

I agree with pasta freak, you cannot tell a child not to do something then back it up by doing what you have told them not to do. I'd say just carry on with the naughty step/chair and hopefully she will soon understand. If not the cat may have enough and retaliate.

[boxtops]

I see your point, sherrard - I do hope it doesn't come to that.

[LoftyLottie]

I would rehome the cat as well, as soon as possible. It would seem to me that your child is tired and also that she has too much conflicting discipline in her life from different areas Nursery school, primary school and parents. The child must be completely muddled up. There is too much going on. Can she stop nursery now - does she need to be at nursery at four years old?

I feel sorry for her, but the cat needs to be removed until this is sorted.

[LoftyLottie]

I am with Sherrard on this, and it doesn't mean my priority is the cat. The child and cat would be better separated. This to me is not normal behaviour for a four year old. She must understand at her age that she is hurting the animal. If she were two I could understand it more.

[boxtops]

Where do you put it, though, lottie, until the problem is resolved? I feel sorry for the cat too.

[society]

Lottie, I always agree with you, you are just so wise. x :-)

[pastafreak]

I would not re-home the cat-yet....what is happening is temporary-and ruth needs to find a solution. Reading back over what the little girl has done...the ear-pulling and chasing is not all that uncommon. As for the incident with the washing machine door...that just may be a one-off. Only time will tell.

[LoftyLottie]

I would rehome the cat permanently. This little girl has issues and it is not going to be solved quickly. It will be other children next. Personally, I think ruthandsam need some professional help with their daughter. I don't think it's a serious problem but it needs to be addressed.

Society, thank you. I can assure you though that I don't always act wisely, even if I think wisely. It is easy to stand outside the box and give advice!

[sherrardk]

I suppose the cat could go into a cattery for a short time but you would only need to remove the cat if none of the help suggested hadn't worked. If it hadn't, then a longer term solution (like rehoming the cat with a friend) would have to be considered. However, I believe that this is just a question of working out what works to stop the little one doing horrible things to the cat and sticking to it and everything will be ok. Maybe we are all blowing this out of proportion a bit because the post has now covered cruelty to animals and smacking children. I am sure that it's just a blip and will sort itself out shortly.

[LoftyLottie]

Pasta. You and I usually agree, but I don't think it is common in a four year old. Perhaps too much nursery and not enough adult contact. Does she bully at nursery? She is taking something out on the cat.

[pastafreak]

ruth has not said how long this is going on for,Lottie....nor how many times it has actually happened. I think she has to focus on ONE way to deal with this-and stick with it. If that does not result in some improvement-then think of re-homing.....otherwise she may open another kettle of worms when she has to explain WHY the cat is no longer in the home.

[LoftyLottie]

Personally, I would tell the child exactly why the cat had to go. She is old enough to understand and reason. She is not a baby.

Shutting the washing machine door on a cat's tail and trying to hit it with a belt is not teasing it is quite violent behaviour in my opinion and not natural!

[boxtops]

I may be wrong in my reading of this but I'd understood that this is recent and that the behaviour with the cat has only been going on very recently. If so then it needs addressing now (as all have said) for the sake of the child and the cat - it does sounds like a combination of tiredness and perhaps something happening outside the home which is making her want to take it out on the cat. Hopefully therefore it's very short-term - if it's not, and I've read it wrong, then yes, the cat should be removed for its own protection, but that won't help the child to understand that this behaviour has to stop.

[LoftyLottie]

But Boxy, It's not a toy that you can take away and bring back when the child learns to behave. It is living creature. It needs to go for its own safety. If the child is upset by the cat not being there then surely that is a lesson learned. A harsh lesson. Poor ruth can't spend her time supervising the child with the cat. She will be run ragged.

[boxtops]

No, I agree with that point, lottie - I am only hoping that if this is only in the last couple of days, ruth can get to the bottom of it quickly. Although I am sorry for ruth and her little girl in this confusing situation, I am very much on the side of the cat too, I've seen too many cornered cats in my time. I understand what you are advocating.

[LoftyLottie]

I am wondering whether Ruth needs to talk to the Nursery or the school about this. Something is disturbing this child. As I keep repeating (sorry) the little girl is 4 not 2 and it's odd behaviour for a 4 year old in my opinion. I hope it gets sorted out for all of them (including the poor cat!!)

[clipclop1]

Sounds good Ruth! You are very welcome! they are very clever at enticing you into communicating with them arn't they?! hehe! Am sure it'll be a quick phase! Good luck and persevere till the end! x

[ganesh]

Re-home the cat? I'd rather re-home the child!(only joking)
Seriously though,you can sort this without extreme measures,but maybe threatening your daughter with that might actually help.I'm sure she doesn't really hate the cat,she is just picking on it. Sometimes kids go through agressive phases.If she were hurting a younger sibling you would stop it swiftly,just because it's a cat you shouldn't have to think of removing it,even temporarily.
Be firm,consistent and show her how cross you are about her behaviour.I don't care if she's tired,jealous,or whatever,make sure it doesn't happen again..or else!
Let us know what you decide to do and if it has worked.

[clipclop1]

Trust a professional.... she does NOT need professional help and the cat does NOT need re-homing, If it was to continue and then get worse I would possibly ask a friend to look after the cat but moving the cat to a totally different home would stress the poor animal out and its already stressed out enough! The cat will get peace when she's at school and they're clever enough to get out the way of people they dont like. Am off to bed now folks, good luck and god speed!

[eyethenkyew]

She's just going through a "typical brat" and "attention seeking" phase, that uncanny way youngsters have of getting our undivided attention. A 4 year old's not going to change overnight no matter what you do to her.

There IS no easy solution - she's doing what thousands of other little, immature, totally selfish human beings do, and from the tone of your header, she's succeeding. Shame for the cat, but that's where you need to be not only vigilant she doesn't do anything "really horrible" to the moggy, but as far as possible try to ignore her brattish behaviour which, to her little childish mind, is cunningly designed to get her what she wants above all else - you.