Having a break with partner

[numnum]

Me and my partner decided today to have some time apart

We haven't been getting on at all for over a year. We have a 1 and 3 years old.

His other 2 teenage children are here for their summer holidays. I feel bad this has happened while there up but I just couldn't take it anymore

I don't know if it will be a short term split or for good. Just felt I needed to speak to someone

[numnum]

at least i know i would only have to be on benefits, hopefully, a short time till either my mum gets here or the kids are at school and i can work

thank you for all your advice, i'll see how the next few days go.

i think he might be worrying that we'll have a break and i'll see the light and want to stay single.

but i remember my mum and dad arguing from about the age of 3 and she stayed with him for the sake of the kids and i do not believe in that. it was the worst thing my mum could've done. so now my little one is 3 and at that age where she will be remembering arguments and it affecting her i'm not going to put up with it

[ladybirder]

numnum, nothing you have said has given any insight as to why you would want to give this man another second of your life, except that he is the father of your children. I would imagine that if he would leave you alone to think things over that you will feel that a massive burden has been lifted from your shoulders and will not want him back in your life. By what you have said his treatment of you has been appalling and he doesn't appear to have any redeeming features. I hope he leaves you in peace to make your decision. Sorry if I sound harsh but this is not a loving relationship which is what you deserve.

[joko]

do you think he may be depressed? the sleeping a lot, lack of empathy, putting minor thrillseeking first (golf...if you get me), selfishness, boredom, irritabilty...

all symptoms...but he might not realise it, and just be thinking his life is crap and being grumpy...

might be worth speaking about it....last chance...with treatment you may find the man you fell in love with might come back

[Brinjal]

This life is it. Not a practise round and it is too short to be unhappy. It will be very hard to make the break and you will find it difficult but it will get easier and you will make through. Take time to think what you want but if its not working better to make the break now rather than 30 years down the line and realise you have wasted the years.

[numnum]

he is very depressed. always has been since a child. his family are very strange and he cant speak to them about things.

i cant do any more than i do. i try and be happy and do things and make nice meals for him coming home but nothing helps.

he's renovating a house at the moment thats taken over a year now so thats definatley not helping us. he has said he's going to look into anger management. one doctor did say he was coming across as very agressive. there was a bit of bad feeling with the house as his brother sold it to him and he should've have been selling the family house as the granparent is still alive and he just got the house because he was the only person living here when the grandparent went to the carehome. they don't know he's sold it to us. so thats a lot of stress on him that his mother let his brother do this to him and its upset the grandparents children and whole family but thats another story

[lcg]

i would stay in the council house with the kids (secure tenancy and cheap rent for the future), divorce him if that's what you want to do and get 1/2 the proceeds of the house you have been renovating. that way you will get money (at some point) and he will have to pay maintenance for the kids. tough...but if he treats you like poo and you're sick of it, you do deserve better. i wish i had made more of my life, but after 20 years of marriage and the one putting all the effort into it, i stand to lose far more than my hubby. get out now while you are young and enjoy the rest of your life. you are not beholden to him just because he is depressed - he should also be taking responsibility for his health and wellbeing and division of labour within the marriage and taking care of you. if he doesn't, then you have to be responsible foryour own happiness x

[boxtops]

Numnum, good for you. I'm dismayed he's rung you already - being bored is not a good enough reason to want to resume a relationship, and he sounds like he's bored when he's with you anyway. Take the break - don't answer the phone to him - make it a proper break. Let us know how you are getting on.

[welshlibranr]

boxtops is so right numnum, have yourself a proper and total break from him!...don't answer his calls just to be told that he's bored!...so what!.....let him get off his butt and do something to relieve the boredom!.......he's grown up for god's sake!.........I would leave him to stew!................