The AB Guide To Child Rearing

[AB Editor]

As discussed here


Please suggest entries for "The AnswerBank Guide To Child Rearing"

Suggestions should include:

1. Lies to tell to young children
2. Ways to keep the quiet/make them go away
3. Ways to embarrass teenagers
4. Ways to blackmail grown-up children

Go!

[AB Editor]

Lie which was told to a friend of mine:

"Robins are Santa's spies"

This meant every time a Robin was spotted he and his brothers would stay completely still and silent until it left. The idea being that they couldn't get in trouble if they didn't do or say anything.

[venator]

Tell them the Gnome will come with his pointy red hat to take them away if they're naughty.

[rowanwitch]

Ways to embarrass teenagers.... talk about sex... try to talk about modern music in front of their friends
try to pull their best mate

Lies to tell young children... Of course there is a monster under the bed...its there to guard you while you sleep

[Baldric]

If an ice cream van is sounding its chimes, it means it has 'sold-out'

[venator]

Tell them the Gnome comes alive at night and leaves toffees and sixpences (2.5p for modernists) for them.

I realise this may confuse them, but children can cope with that sort of thing...

[venator]

3 To embarrass teenagers, all you have to do is to exist.

[gness]

1. We lived in Calgary where there were no ice cream vans. Returned to the UK when daughter was about three and it wasn`t long before she heard the chimes and asked what they were for.
I told her it was the travelling church and when we heard one we had to put our hands together and sing,,,AaAaAaAaAamen until they had gone away.:-)))

[bednobs]

it would be really nice if there was an actual one - I have loads of utterly stupid sounding questions which i need to know the answers to for looking after a baby, and i can't ask them in real life cause i'll sound so stupid. Mind you, not as stupid as my husband who asked me if you had to pierce the nipple with a needle to allow milk to come through. I blithely reassured him you didn't whist inside thinking "do you? i hope not"

[Baldric]

.

[rowanwitch]

Blackmail grown up children.... a nice heart condition thats gets much worse if you are in any way upset

Say you will spend the inheritance on prostitutes

[NOX]

I am spending their inheritance on prostitutes- I thought this was supposed to be fictional;-)

[rowanwitch]

...bednobs ... don't be daft... you will be a bag of anxiety about 'doing it right' no one will think you are stupid...

[gness]

Bednobs. You are going to do it really well. Ask on here if you are stuck..if you`re a parent you`ve been there.xx

[Ellipsis]

Planning ahead is essential.

For example, take photos/videos of toddlers that will provide blackmail/coercion opportunities once they're teenagers ...

[RATTER15]

Buy a Tazer!!

[gness]

4. Leave copy of will lying about with post-it note attached saying...Solicitor 3pm Friday.

[rowanwitch]

No they will have arranged the hit man by thursday evening