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velvet lady

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velvet lady
do u really care who sings in wot ad? are we that sad to care who sings in the fiesta advert? or which man played the part in the baked beans advert? do you need some extra mental health help? or get...
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velvet lady
One day, Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest when she sees a wolf sitting under a tree with its ears erect and his mouth stretched in a big toothy grin. She says to the wolf, "My,...
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velvet lady
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her car...
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velvet lady
Help! think we missed the last one, any ideas? thanks, velvet lady :)
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velvet lady
One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, and the third one's arm was too...
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velvet lady
A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke" The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?" The bear says, "I've had them all my life."
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velvet lady
There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, "Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vagina!" The other asked, "What is a shrimp doing a dead woman's vagina?...
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velvet lady
What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.
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velvet lady
A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into the chair and tells the tattoo artist, "I want two tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the...
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velvet lady
What does D.A.M stand for? Mothers Against Dyslexia.
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velvet lady
Did you hear about the gay midget? He just came out of the cupboard!
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velvet lady
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've...
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velvet lady
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!" The lady then, totally disgusted,...
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velvet lady
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year!
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velvet lady
A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars...
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velvet lady
Q: What's red, white and blue and makes the entire community happy? A: Smurfette deep-throating a candy cane
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velvet lady
Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar enjoying themselves, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks. Ted says, "Last night I got really...
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velvet lady
A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."...
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velvet lady
A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking I'm getting smaller!" Doctor replies, "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."
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velvet lady
One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey, I've got a gynecologist...

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