Beware of an online survey reputedly from the Magic Circle. They’re all trick questions!___Just had to tell my kids we can’t afford to take them to Disneyland, but I did promise to take lots of... ...
A police officer rings into his station: "I'm at this house sergeant, the one where a woman has shot her husband for walking on the floor that she'd just mopped."
"I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He later told me it was the most violent book he’d ever read." ___ My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She... ...
That storm Isha is so violent. I phoned the landlord this morning. I said "It's about our roof." He said "What about it?" "We'd like it back!!" ___ I haven’t tried yoga, but I have tried bending over... ...
A waiter places a warm cup in front of the gentleman. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out. He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!” The waiter, looking... ...
A Yorkshireman's beloved wife passed away. He went to a stonemason to sort out a headstone for her grave. Being a devout man, he decided the inscription should read, 'She was thine'. The... ...
As a trucker stops at a red traffic light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is... ...
I went to buy a digital watch and the guy tried to sell me an analogue one. I said to him, "What is this, a wind up?" ___ My wife asked me what see should do with this bubble wrap? I said just pop... ...
My friend was in Canada and was attacked by a huge bear… I'll spare you the grizzly details! ___ Spent all day horse riding… It was great until I ran out of 50p coins! ___ I haven't renewed my... ...
Two young guys were at a party in the woods with some friends, all drinking beer, when all of a sudden there was a tremendous storm with lots of thunder and rain. The two of them ran through the... ...
They said on tv this morning that 20% of all driving accidents are cause by drunk drivers. That means that the other 80% are caused by drivers that are stone cold sober. In other words If all... ...
I’ve learned 99% of the English language. I’m almost their. ___ I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted: "This is a stick up!" ___ Yesterday I went rock... ...
Remember back in the days when your TV wouldn't work, you would bang it a few times?I tried that with my dishwasher, but she ended up pregnant. ___ Paddy pulls up at the traffic lights next to a... ...
You're welcome to drive out from Cairo and visit the Pyramids - when you arrive at the car park just toot and come in. ___ This guy walks into the local bar one Friday afternoon when he gets out of... ...
Both my mates are called William Hill - what are the odds! ___ I asked a librarian if they had any books on 'Different noise levels'. The librarian said: "Sure!! What volume would you like?" ___ Who... ...