What a day!! I replaced the glass in the living room window three times! Then noticed it was my glasses that were cracked!! ___ A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap,...
A passenger was having difficulty lugging his oversized travel bag onto the plane. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin. “Do you always carry such heavy...
Little Johnny was in his English class and the teacher was talking about punctuation and why it’s important to be on time for your period. As soon as little Johnny heard the word periods he raised his...
Email from an Irish pal, "I was at the supermarket and I was at the check-out" Checkout: €2.04p please" Me: "Sorry this is all I've got", as I handed them a €20 note. Checkout: "Haven't you got...
Bob: "Hey Al, you know you owe me £500."
Al: "Yes."
Bob: "I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll forget half of the money."
Al: "That’s perfect, I’ll forget the other half."...
A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. “I’m doing some research for Vaseline....
Fathers day last year I asked my Wife if she’d got a nice card for the man of her dreams and father to her kids.
She replied: “I’m not buying 2 cards.”...
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princes s touched would melt. No matter what - metal, wood, stone,...
I feel sorry for the staff in Greggs in this weather… They must be baking in there! ___ Is your glass half full or half empty? Depends on whose round it is. ____ Traffic cop to motorist, “It says on...
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home." Trying to placate her, the...
Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at...
A woman went on holiday, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right. Her...
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are...
Went to the local Asda supermarket. The sign says 50% off selected items. So I picked up a £1000 tv. The cashier said: "That’s £1000 please." "I said: " NO it’s £500." Cashier said: " The 50% off is...
I was sat in a restaurant last night and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this fella shouts, 'That's just for starters!' ___ My builder is such a nice man. I...
ANYONE LIVING IN THE WALES/ENGLAND AREA. If so would you be interested in spending the day in a helicopter flight for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday...
The police knocked on my door this morning. “Do the letters H.B. mean anything to you?” they asked. “No I said.” “What about G.D. then?” “No means nothing to me.” I said. “How about A.J.?” “Look,” I...
