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Mortartube

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Mortartube

Number Plate

A bloke came running into my house the other day and said, "There's a bloke outside with a number plate on his head". I said "That'll be our Reg".
13:50 Wed 03rd Jun 20096 answers, last by carlton23 23:11 Wed 03rd Jun 2009
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Mortartube

Perspective

When did modern perspective first become used in painting and drawing and is it attributable to a single artist? For instance, this Mediaeval picture is flat and has no modern style perspective. The...
11:59 Fri 29th May 20095 answers, last by Mortartube 16:39 Fri 29th May 2009
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Woody Allen Film

Can anyone please put me out of my misery as to which Woody Allen film this scene comes from. He is being chased and he runs out of a side street into the main street. A Ku Klux Klan parade is...
03:35 Thu 14th May 20092 answers, last by Mortartube 12:05 Thu 14th May 2009
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Bangkok

One night when I was on a business trip to Bangkok, I decided to go out to a club for a drink. As I walked down the street, a local girl stepped from a doorway and said. "Where you going?". I said "I...
12:46 Tue 14th Apr 20095 answers, last by marval 17:41 Tue 14th Apr 2009
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The German Shepherd

Who lives next door, keeps crapping on my lawn, and his dog's just as bad.
15:12 Thu 09th Apr 20092 answers, last by another-view 15:38 Thu 09th Apr 2009
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Captain Kirk.....

Has three ears. The left ear, the right ear and the final frontier.
12:52 Wed 08th Apr 20094 answers, last by janbee 13:02 Wed 08th Apr 2009
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Plum Sponge Cake

I have just made this today using some ripe plums that I had. I highly recommend it. http://www.waitrose.com/recipe/Plum_Sponge_Cak e.aspx
23:37 Sun 05th Apr 2009
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Washing up

Why when we wash the dishes are we said to be washing up? Why do we assign a direction to the action of cleaning them?
11:41 Sun 05th Apr 20098 answers, last by squarebear 12:31 Wed 08th Apr 2009
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Career question

When I was young. my dad said to me "What do you want to be when you are older?" I said "I want to be an auditer on my own egg farm". He said "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched"
16:13 Tue 10th Mar 2009
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Dental disclosing tablets

I wondered how the dental tablets work, that stain and show up plaque where you have not brushed properly? Are they just a PH indicator or are they more clever than that and actually detect and stain...
12:15 Tue 03rd Feb 20092 answers, last by Mortartube 16:49 Tue 03rd Feb 2009
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Murder Trial

A guy is sitting in the public gallery of a court room where a murder trial is taking place. The judge said to the accused. "This is one of the worst cases that I have ever heard. First you took a...
02:38 Tue 27th Jan 2009
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Local computer shop

I went into my local computer shop and asked if they could recommend a good hard drive. The guy behind the counter said "Try London to Moscow in a Fiat Punto."
02:25 Fri 16th Jan 2009
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When a monarch dies.

I have often seen films where a monarch dies and someone says something like "The King is dead. Long live the King". What does this actually mean? Does it mean the monarch is dead, long live the new...
10:33 Mon 12th Jan 200912 answers, last by NiceCupOfTea 01:32 Thu 15th Jan 2009
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Why has the price of tinned tomatoes rocketed?

Not so long ago a tin of the cheapest supermarket own brand tomatoes was about 17p, now they are about 33p. Is this just seasonal fluctuations in price or a poor harvest or just greed?
20:21 Sat 10th Jan 200913 answers, last by filthiestfis 20:42 Mon 12th Jan 2009
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Blind Peoples Outing

A coach driver has taken a load of blind people out for a summer outing. He is driving them back home when he notices a lovely little pub by a village green. Having been driving all day in the summer...
14:41 Fri 19th Dec 20083 answers, last by tonyav 16:41 Sat 20th Dec 2008
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WWII Film Title

Hi, this is bugging me. There is a WWII film where the Germans take a number of P.O.W's and shoot them in the snow, but there is a lovely Christmas carol playing in the background as this happens....
01:39 Fri 19th Dec 20085 answers, last by Mortartube 14:03 Fri 19th Dec 2008
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Snowmen

Two snowmen in a field. One says to the other. "Can you smell carrots"?
16:45 Tue 02nd Dec 200812 answers, last by BillySugger 17:41 Tue 02nd Dec 2008
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So I went into a pet shop and said.......

I want to buy a wasp. The guy behind the counter said "We don't sell wasps". I said "Well, you've got one in the window".
13:56 Sun 23rd Nov 20081 answer, last by johny5 05:15 Sun 30th Nov 2008
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Old Joke 2

Seeing Carrusts joke. I thought it would be nice to revive some old gems of the past. Q, What's rusty and chained to the railings of Canterbury Cathedral? A. Terry Waites bicycle.
13:20 Sun 09th Nov 20084 answers, last by BillySugger 13:36 Mon 10th Nov 2008
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Smoke Flavouring

I know in the USA, you can but "Liquid Smoke" to give that smokey flavour to homemade BBQ sauces, can you get a similar product in the U.K? I have never seen it on sale here.
11:38 Thu 30th Oct 20083 answers, last by heathfield 09:44 Fri 31st Oct 2008

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