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McMouse

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McMouse

Irish Way To Heaven

A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher. I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. 'I asked them, ' If I sold my...
11:33 Fri 19th Dec 20141 answer, last by marval 18:20 Fri 19th Dec 2014
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McMouse

Security Alert

Teacher Arrested At London Heathrow Airport - held in isolation. A secondary school teacher was arrested today at London's Heathrow International airport as he attempted to board an international...
11:36 Thu 18th Dec 201432 answers, last by DaisyNonna 01:23 Fri 19th Dec 2014
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McMouse

From Scotland With Love

A golfer is cupping one hand to scoop water from a Highland burn on the Saint Andrew's Golf Course. A green keeper sees him and shouts, "Dinnae drink the waater! Et's foo ae coo's *** and pish." The...
11:44 Tue 09th Dec 2014
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McMouse

Harry Goldberg Rip

Harry Goldberg dies and his widow asks the local paper to do a 'death notice'. When they ask what she wants printed she replies "Goldberg Dead" They inform her she has to pay for a minimum of 5 words...
12:23 Mon 08th Dec 2014
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McMouse

Confession

A man received the following text from his neighbour: "I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.. I have been helping myself to your wife, day and night when you're...
12:20 Tue 02nd Dec 20144 answers, last by BlackadderV 22:36 Tue 02nd Dec 2014
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McMouse

By Gum

An Australian man was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him. The Australian politely ignored the American, who,...
13:33 Mon 17th Nov 20141 answer, last by roger 17:18 Mon 17th Nov 2014
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McMouse

Advance Apology

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor. Buttocks clenched, he...
10:22 Thu 13th Nov 201411 answers, last by McMouse 10:52 Thu 13th Nov 2014
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McMouse

Fable Of The Porcupine

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves;...
11:22 Mon 03rd Nov 20142 answers, last by Old_Geezer 16:43 Mon 03rd Nov 2014
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McMouse

Bad Day

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a great huge, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he...
12:11 Sun 02nd Nov 20143 answers, last by Jordyboy9 16:43 Sun 02nd Nov 2014
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McMouse

Safe At Home.....at Last

I've torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch. I've got four Pakistani flags raised in my garden - one at each corner- and the black flag of ISIS in the centre. The local...
10:59 Thu 23rd Oct 20142 answers, last by -Talbot- 11:06 Thu 23rd Oct 2014
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McMouse

Irish Password Protection

During a recent PASSWORD AUDIT at the Bank of reland , it was found that Paddy O'Toole was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin When Paddy was asked why he...
11:14 Tue 21st Oct 20144 answers, last by poorclare 16:52 Tue 21st Oct 2014
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McMouse

Oh Dear.

I've just arrived at one of those Swiss suicide clinics.Costing​ me £44,000 Do you know what the have given me for breakfast this morning? “Cheerios"....
10:44 Mon 20th Oct 20144 answers, last by Hopkirk 18:31 Mon 20th Oct 2014
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McMouse

Paddy Texts His Wife...

“Mary, I'm just having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 minutes, read this message again.”...
11:24 Wed 15th Oct 20141 answer, last by Svejk 11:32 Wed 15th Oct 2014
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McMouse

Another Angle

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub. A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle. A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over...
10:16 Mon 13th Oct 20141 answer, last by marval 16:27 Mon 13th Oct 2014
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McMouse

Life

This is perhaps the most profound philosophy I have heard in recent times: "Life is like a penis - simple, relaxed and hanging free . . . it's women who make it hard."...
11:07 Fri 10th Oct 20146 answers, last by Mags22 18:01 Fri 10th Oct 2014
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McMouse

Jewish Joke Season

An Arab had spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source of water. It got so bad that even his camel died of thirst. He crawled through the sands, certain that he was breathing his...
11:51 Thu 09th Oct 20143 answers, last by puternut 01:05 Fri 10th Oct 2014
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McMouse

The Englishman

On a London underground train to St John’s Wood to watch the cricket at Lords, an Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy. You...
11:49 Mon 29th Sep 20143 answers, last by marval 14:52 Mon 29th Sep 2014
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McMouse

My First Drink With My Son

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint. Off we went to our local pub which is only round the...
10:16 Tue 23rd Sep 20145 answers, last by marval 18:00 Tue 23rd Sep 2014
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McMouse

What's Next?

Washing machine packe-up and replaced a couple of weeks ago. Tumble drier making ominous graunching noises this morning and declared terminal by Mrs McM. What's next I wonder?
11:36 Mon 22nd Sep 20148 answers, last by DTCwordfan 20:37 Mon 22nd Sep 2014
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McMouse

Wives

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy a carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6. A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks...
10:04 Mon 22nd Sep 20144 answers, last by 1ozzy 10:47 Mon 22nd Sep 2014

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