A blonde woman goes to the hospital. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doctor. "Something is terribly wrong, I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina." The Doctor had a look,...
Just found a really funny spoof newspaper called "Evening Harold". Can be found at eveningharold.com. This article tickled my fancy: EDL clarify that “England for the English” includes their Asian...
Did you know that there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?
This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house cannot jump....
I bought a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said 'remove top and push up bottom'
I can barely walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely...
Memory was something you lost with age An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A web was a spider's home A virus was the flu A keyboard was the piano A CD was...
Sent by a friend - hope you enjoy one or two of them. Why I Like Retirement ! Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question:When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Two hours...
All of these are legitimate companies, who didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online name might appear!These are not made up. Check them out yourself! 1. 'Who Represents' is where...
You may have read some of these before - but just in case..... In an Office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER....... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR...
When I came home from golfing today, the wife had left a note on the fridge: It's not working, gone to stay with my Mother. I can't take it anymore . I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the...
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland: 1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! 4,STAY OUT OF THE WATER 5 . TRY NOT TO...
Ane or twa mair jist tae keep yer puss strecht. 41. You aren't surprised to find curries, pizzas, kebabs, Irn Bru, nappies and fags all for sale in one shop. 42. Your seaside holiday home has Calor...
IT'S A PURE DEAD GIVE-AWAY THAT YOU'RE SCOTTISH IF :- 1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine as good weather. 2. The only sausage you like is square. 3. You were forced to do...
Wondered why my washing finished so quickly. Put washing, jel etc in washing machine and switched on. Unfortunately it was on "fast spin" so that's why. Going to go back to bed and get up again! Now...
An oldie! Guy goes to a nightclub and is refused entry by the bouncer. He tells him "You are always trouble and in any case you haven't got a tie on so you can't come in". The guy goes round the back...
A lad asks his granny, "Have you seen my pills? They were labelled LSD"
Granny replies "Never mind the feckin' pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"…...
A tough old cowboy from Texas counselled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did...