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Chipchopper

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Hopkirk
I have an irrational fear of German sausages. I fear the wurst.
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Hopkirk
I dreamt last night that I was swimming in an ocean of fizzy orange. It took me a while to realise it was a Fanta sea....
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Hopkirk
I really hate Russian dolls, they’re so full of themselves....
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1ozzy
Fighting fires https://ibb.co/xDSkpSs...
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Hopkirk
I used to be a programmer for autocorrect, but they fried me for no raisin.
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Hopkirk
A friend of mine went for an interview with an airline in Helsinki ten years ago, and he hasn't been seen since. He vanished into Finnair....
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Hopkirk
My mate has a new girlfriend, who works on the bin lorries. The trouble is he can never remember if he's taking her out on Wednesday or Thursday....
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Hopkirk
Some people say filling animals with helium is wrong. I say whatever floats your goat....
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Hopkirk
I caught my son chewing an electrical cable, so I had to ground him. He's doing better currently, and conducting himself properly.
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Hopkirk
I worked as a barber for a while, but I just couldn't cut it.
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Hopkirk
I saw this bloke who was a cross between an ostrich and a serial killer. He was always burying other people’s heads in the sand...
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Hopkirk
The police have confirmed that the man who fell from a 15th storey night club was not a bouncer.
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Hopkirk
Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan....
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Hopkirk
What's on Chris Rock's face? Fresh prints....
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Hopkirk
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.
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bednobs
my husband just bought himself a chain saw. i happen to be partial to all his limbs he tells me there "ani chopping your leg off" trousers you can buy. What do i need to look out for? Are cheaper end...
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Gardenlines
Hi, today we have some pruning and harvesting tips for you! Make sure you get your last hedge trim of the season soon. We’d recommend leaving all heavy pruning until spring now, but you could still...
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Mags22
Mine has new growth, good leaves,but no sign of any blossom, do i blame the weather ? Is it too soon to cut it back? Any advice please. Thankyou....
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Cetti
Last year I bought a large plastic container for runner beans. The soil has over wintered and I've just put fresh soil on top before planting for this year. Making sure the soil is moist I watered it...
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Giselda21
I recently stripped a rendered wall of ivy. How best do I remove the sticky mess left behind. I've tried spraying beachy solutions, and washing powder. Thanks in advance....

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