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Chipchopper

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Chipchopper
I saw this guy weeping openly in the middle of his backyard. His small push-mower, proved inadequate to cut through the jungle of tall grass and weeds. Someone told me he was going through a rough...
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Chipchopper
1st man "What's the state capital of Alaska"? 2nd man "Juneau" 1st man "No I don't, that's why I'm asking you"...
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Chipchopper
What an achievement, I've trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine. He's a Bordeaux collie....
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Chipchopper
When I arranged for my fish supper to be delivered to my home, I was absolutely disgusted, it looked like it had fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I was so enraged I...
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Chipchopper
There seems to be a worldwide shortage of barber equipment, due to the current pandemic. So I went to my local pet shop to see if I could buy some hair trimmers. "Sorry" the sales assistant said...
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Chipchopper
Man : "CAN I GET A BURGER WITH FRIES, PLEASE ?." Librarian : "Sir this is a library!" Man : (whispers) "OK can I get a burger and fries please ?"...
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Chipchopper
Veteran circus entertainer Frederico Martinez also known as the human cannonball has decided enough is enough and quit his forty years entertaining the public. His manager said "He will be sadly...
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Chipchopper
Not sure if this is the right category but here goes. How can you be sure that a TV licence demand is genuine ?...
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Chipchopper
I was driving to work yesterday morning, when a large truck swerved right in front of me and then started weaving from lane to lane and cutting up all other road users. About a 1/4 of a mile further...
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Chipchopper
Just looked at my bird feeding station through the kitchen window and spotted a siskin on the sunflower hearts. It's a rare sighting (for me) so I'm hoping more will come. I noted it was comparable in...
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Chipchopper
I was looking out of my window and eagerly, waiting for my new snow boots to be delivered, when I saw a delivery guy slip and fall, when he tripped on the snow shovel that I stupidly left on the...
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Chipchopper
I asked my fitness trainer if he would teach me how to do the splits. He looked me up and down, and said: "Well just how flexible are you ?" I said "Pretty good, but I can't do Thursdays"...
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Chipchopper
It's getting dusk now and there are still plenty of birds on the feeders in spite of snow falling thick and fast. It must be difficult for them to find food under a blanket of snow. I must remember to...
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Chipchopper
Some loony skirted tomato ketchup in my eyes and made them smart! With Heinz sight I wouldn't use that fast food joint again....
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Chipchopper
A man is buying a few bits and pieces at his local chemist shop. Man "Oh, get me a bottle of deodorant from the shelf, while your there please" Chemist "Ball type ?" Man "No, underarm pleas"...
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Chipchopper
A long-suffering husband and wife on the bus. Man : "It's not worth arguing and that's final, if I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong "...
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Chipchopper
A middle-aged couple booked into a hotel in Cornwall, the same one that they stayed in twenty years ago They took a scenic walk along the cliff top, just like they did all those years ago. Suddenly...
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Chipchopper
I've developed a phobia, every time I open the freezer door, Icecream
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Chipchopper
My salad crops are doing great......well it's not really (rocket science)
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After a wild and wicked night of heavy rain, the sun finally broke through and gave way to a pleasant and calm morning. I watched birds busily feeding on the feeders, some were even checking out nest...

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