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BANANASPLITS

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BANANASPLITS

My Missus..

My missus reckons she's a bit overweight so she goes to her doctor and asks, "What are the easiest exercises I can take to lose weight?" He replies, "At certain times, just shake your head." "What...
19:31 Thu 04th Oct 20181 answer, last by 7866692 07:09 Sun 21st Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Carrying A Book...

Some guy stopped me in the street and asked “Why are you carrying a 9ft book?” I replied... “It’s a long story.”...
10:47 Thu 04th Oct 201813 answers, last by Shaglene 16:56 Thu 04th Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

At The Restaurant....

So, me and the wife walked into a restaurant last night. "Hi, is our table ready?" "No, not yet sir. Do you mind waiting?" "No, that's okay." "Great, can you take these plates to table six then...
19:56 Wed 03rd Oct 20189 answers, last by zebo 22:30 Wed 03rd Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

No Compensation.....

The family of the man killed by a falling window have been denied compensation after the evidence was cleared up by the council. The judge said in his ruling: "Sorry, but... No Pane, No Gain."...
19:39 Wed 03rd Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Aston Villa....

Apparently a cabbage was thrown at Steve Bruce last night. Aston Villa 2-3 Preston. Villa are going through a bad patch....
16:23 Wed 03rd Oct 20184 answers, last by retrocop 16:33 Wed 03rd Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Car Showroom...

I walked into a car showroom last night. I said to the salesman, “My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the showroom window.” He said, “We don’t have a Volkswagen Golf...
12:31 Tue 02nd Oct 20185 answers, last by zebo 14:31 Tue 02nd Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

My Parrot Has Died....

Unfortunately, my obese parrot has just died. It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders....
10:16 Tue 02nd Oct 201817 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 20:51 Tue 02nd Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

National Spam Day

Crikey is Oct the 1st national spam day ...never seen so much spam on here today?
12:31 Mon 01st Oct 201824 answers, last by TonyV 21:00 Mon 01st Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Mr Murphy.......

Judge: Mr Murphy, you were clocked doing 73mph in a 30mph & you were driving in the middle of the road. What do you have to say for yourself? Paddy: Well I'd just hired the car & when I filled out the...
10:32 Mon 01st Oct 20182 answers, last by Patsy33 12:27 Mon 01st Oct 2018
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BANANASPLITS

The Boss Of Dulux Has Died!

The boss of Dulux paints has died of hypothermia while trecking across the Antarctic... medics say he needed a second coat......
20:09 Sun 30th Sep 20189 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 20:25 Sun 30th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Forklift Test......

I passed my forklift test today. I did very well. My carer says I should be able to try the spoon tomorrow....
08:08 Sat 29th Sep 20188 answers, last by Patsy33 12:35 Sat 29th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

In The Pub

I was sitting in the pub with the wife and said "look at those two drunks over there that'll be us in 10 years time" " you bloody idiot that's a mirror you're looking at" she said!...
12:09 Fri 28th Sep 20181 answer, last by spathiphyllum 12:10 Fri 28th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Police Are Looking...

Police are looking for a man who stabbed six people with knitting needles. He seems to be following some sort of pattern....
10:32 Fri 28th Sep 20184 answers, last by gulliver1 11:07 Fri 28th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

New Pet....

I got a pet newt, and I named him Tiny. Because he's my newt....
18:12 Thu 27th Sep 20182 answers, last by marval 22:18 Thu 27th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

I'm So Upset....

I’m so upset I’m going to shout this from the rooftops... SOMEONE'S STOLEN MY LADDER!...
08:19 Thu 27th Sep 201832 answers, last by retrocop 00:22 Fri 28th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Titanic....

My Grandad warned people the Titanic would sink… No one listened, but he kept warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out of the cinema....
19:22 Wed 26th Sep 20187 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 01:57 Thu 27th Sep 2018
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Wife Has Left Me....

My wife accused me of being a transvestite, I was so outraged . I packed her things and left....
18:24 Tue 25th Sep 20186 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 19:43 Tue 25th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

One Hundred Year Old Sisters....

Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home in Ireland were turning one hundred years old.... The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100...
17:12 Mon 24th Sep 20182 answers, last by marval 18:36 Mon 24th Sep 2018
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BANANASPLITS

Sipping Wine.

A married couple are sitting in the living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you.” “Is that you, or the wine talking?” asks the husband, surprised by this...
11:32 Mon 24th Sep 201816 answers, last by fiyeg 11:14 Sat 27th Nov 2021
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BANANASPLITS

Nuisance Phone Calls.....

I've been having a problem with nuisance phone calls. The most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!...
16:52 Sun 23rd Sep 20183 answers, last by DTCwordfan 20:32 Mon 24th Sep 2018

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