A Little Freaked Out.

[seanne]

A man who I met walking into town, a couple of years ago, is starting to pester me to go for a coffee or call him to talk, especially if I have a problem. I saw him in town today, we chatted, and later in a shop queue and he looked behind and said I think you are stalking me, but I don't mind. He was hanging about until I got served, but I went back into the shop, to avoid him, as he said he was walking home shortly and we could be walking home at the same time. I think he is lonely, he is retired and his slightly younger wife is still working. He seems to be a nice person but he is a married man and I don't want him to keep asking me out etc. I do not want to be rude but I have a full life and TBH do not want to meeting a married man.What shall I do ?

[Sqad]

LOL.....I agree with Retrochic...tell him to ask his wife out for coffee........that would definitely;-) do the trick......

[Peter Pedant]

You need to make sure your feelings are known to him
at present you are giving conflcting signals to him

[tamaris]

No I have never given him any encouragement I am just a friendly type of person to everyone

[tonyav]

tamaris, it looks like you should have logged back on as seanne !.

[Eve]

Sometimes you just have to be a bit less friendly, you can still be civil and polite but if he is being a pest you may have to make it a bit clearer that you are not interested in his company.

Some pests don't take the hint though. The imaginary boyfriend can do the trick sometimes but more of a one off for someone you (hopefully) aren't likely to see again.

If he comes near you, maybe just nod to acknowledgment him, polite but not too friendly or encouraging, and walk away from him to give the idea you are trying to be nice but aren't interested.

I had to be a bit less friendly to one particular pest earlier, sometimes you just have to be firm as it can get daft trying to avoid recurrent ones.

[seanne]

Thank you Eve, my friend said the very same thing earlier, as you did.

[Eve]

Hope you manage to sort it, it can get pretty stressful and upsetting if you can't get rid of someone nicely.

Fingers crossed he will get the hint though I know I feel like I can't be nasty sometimes, but I've had to weigh u a few times whether I deserve to feel like that over someone who is a pest and causing me stress and upset and the issues trying to avoid someone and just be a bit less friendly about it.

[Svejk]

Some of my best friends are female. It's a bit of a sad world you (not seanne) live in, if you think that anyone who's friendly with a member of the opposite sex must have an ulterior motive. Can't see this chap has said/done anything wrong.

[Eve]

And I have friends who are men, I'm not tarring all men with the same brush at all, but there are some who are a pest and can make you feel very uncomfortable, whatever the motive, should I let them just do so with impunity?

I'm no raging feminist, but things have moved on a bit from the days of having to just put up with certain things that are demeaning and make you feel uncomfortable.

I live in a large city and for all the lovely people, there are those not so lovely. In an area with a high level of sexual assaults and such, there is something to be said for being careful and not standing for being made to feel uncomfortable.

Seanne feels uncomfortable and so much that she has posted on here about it, should she put up with that just to save his feelings? My suggestion was to be polite and civil but non-encouraging.

[Svejk]

I was really talking to the posters that thought men and women couldn't be 'just' friends.

[Eve]

Ah, ignore then haha :)

[Eve]

...and sorry for misunderstanding x

[HansUrbancka]

Next time he speaks to you, tell him he is mixing you up with someone else.

If he thinks you are seanne tell him your name is tamaris.

Hans.

[seanne]

Lol yes I can do that.