OH! I forgot to tell you....

[kat2206]

My son still hadn't paid any rent, we had an almighty great row one day, he has since moved out and is now living with his girlfriend and her parents. He has left his job and has applied for a council property...

Oh, and told everyone, who will listen, that I kicked him out! We are now talking albeit strained but he has made his decision...

[stokemaveric]

he has made his bed so he should lie in it...but of course like any decent parent you will be there for him when it goes wrong...

[emmie]

then let him lie on it.

[kat2206]

Oh definately, we spoke today and I offered to help him out with furniture etc when he does find a place etc... He did ask me to contribute toward the rent of such which I felt was taking the P a tad considering he had a lovely home here.. If only he had paid his way... He would still be here and working/bringing in a decent salary.

[emmie]

how old is he?

[kat2206]

He's 19, he turned 19 earlier this month.

[emmie]

then tell him that he is old enough to be self supporting, earn his own money, pay his own way. If you give in to supporting with rent and so on you will be making a big mistake - he is not a child any more.

[kat2206]

I certainly won't be helping with the rent to which I told him so. I don't mind helping out with the necessary items such as cooker, fridge etc though as I wouldn't want to see him struggle/not be able to eat..

[emmie]

kat, sorry but i wouldn't be doing that either, it doesn't sound as though he has been fair to you, and to tell people that you kicked him out, would for me be the last straw. I reckon he needs to know what the real world is like, and you buying all the gear just means he will keep on expecting it. Just my opinion of course.

[kat2206]

Yes, I do understand your point of view and I guess, in a way, I am still being a soft touch but I brought the boys up pretty much on my own and, whether this is for me (to make me feel better) I need to still help them out. My oldest boy, he's 22 now, often runs out of food and I'll go on to Tesco etc and get some delivered to him, he has disabilities though so I tend to make exceptions for his too.

Oh god, listen to me... I'm making excuses for them. I guess I still need to feel needed.. And that, in a nutshell, is my issue, unfortunately.

[emmie]

feeling needed and being a doormat, apologies it's not meant to be insulting, is a fine line, and children can make you feel like that. I can understand but i still wouldn't be doing it.

[lcg]

tell him good luck with the council property....as a single male he has no chance!!! it'll take him about 10 years to accrue the points he needs....and even if his girlfriend tags along it will make no difference. when they find out he lost his job through laziness he'll be intentionally homeless or if he still has it, he will be expected to fund it himself. methinks he has shot himself through the foot and just doesn't know it yet. be strong and don't accept him back unless it is on your terms. i did it with my son when he was 17 and he now lives at home, paying rent and his girlfriend lives on her tod. be strong x

[joeluke]

Give him nowt until he starts to treat you with some respect

Tough love - it works