The most indescribable torment ever experienced....

[bobjugs12]

Evening all.
I just wanted to share some things with everyone.
1) NoM will not let me read Pistonheads in peace. She insists that I do a miniblog about my scrotum
2) My nuts are killing me
3) Childbirth is easy compared to this!!!

As many of you already know, I had a vasectomy reversal a couple of weeks ago. This involved a surgeon using a Stanley knife to open my *** up, leaving me with a wound each side about 6' in length. Since the op I have been forced to eat a hundred pills a day, wear a uber-fashionable jockstrap, and walk like John Wayne. My nuts are currently the size of a small family car and weigh more than 3.5ton.
Since the op, my sack has gone from orange, to red, to brown, to blue, to black. It's currently heading back towards a dark crimson colour.
I also managed to catch severe (and life-threatening) Sepsis in my wounds, and I actually died two days ago.
However, the worst thing about this is the itching. I want to cry. The stitches are making my legs itch; the scars itch; my hairy bits itch; my John-Thomas itches. In fact the whole frigging world itches.

So there is my miniblog. NoM doesn't quite realise how much she owes me for suffering this trauma. I will use it in every argument we ever have
eg NoM "You spent £1000 on beer and fast cars over the weekend. That was irresponsible!" Me "Yeah. Well I had my nuts cut open for you!"

So, my dear ABers, I will conclude this pointless rant by saying that NoM has cold feet and she snores

Night all

[NoMercy]

How are you feeling now my little princess? X x x

[chi-chi66]

Soooooo funny......only just read this, nothing like a public rant....set me up
for the day....

Continue with the cold feet and snoring NoM.....

Hope everything goes well for you both! x

[rowanwitch]

NOM best thing is some high strength local anaesthetic gel slathered on while he's asleep in the morning he wont be able to feel them at all tell him they dropped off in the night

[lady-janine]

NoM why on earth do you want two children? the one you've already got sounds more than enough trouble. imo i an see sulks galore later.

good luck to both of you.

[chi-chi66]

hahaha Rowan....

[Mosaic]

Poor old thing. Now when ladies get their bits sliced open to deliver babies, they too get the itching and dedahdedah....folk remedy, which is soothing but a tad tricky to achive while watching telly on the sofa, is to sit in a bowl of salt water (a good handful to each pint), which doesn't half sooth the itching.
Obviously, no pants etc.
This is where those Victorian hip-baths come into their own.
It will pass! Sit in cold salty water! Have a good moan then get something that distracts you!
Well done sir for having the nutectomy and being a responsible sort.

[lady-janine]

gently annointed lavender oil may help or should that be genitally annointed

[sunny-dave]

Take care young Bob - and watch the dogs ...

... one of mine smacked into my post-snip goolies & put me back in hospital on IV antibiotics for three days.

[bobjugs12]

I knew somebody would reference the whole childbirth thing. There are two problems with this:
Childbirth is easy, I've seen it. You're full of drugs and the whole world is there to help
It doesn't hurt that much as most women do it again and again.

;)

[rowanwitch]

If couples had to take turns having babies with men going first no family would have more than two children

[ummmm]

Full of drugs? Not when the bitch tells you it's too late....I hated that midwife!!!

[boxtops]

Bobs, I seem to remember you saying in the past that if there isn't a picture, it didn't happen.... (not that I really want to see a pic of your technicolour bits, but...)

[Nibble]

& please bob, NO putting the pictures on FB/twitter/<other social networking sites are available> either.

ps do you want some gloves - stops you scratching :-)))

[NoMercy]

Blimey... is he whining again...

[bobjugs12]

^^^^^
She's all heart, with a sympathetic streak a mile wide!
That's why I'm marrying her

[haysi06]

lol

[haysi06]

Oops I meant to add, I broke a nail today and you don't hear me complaining lol

[EDDIE51]

i take it Nookie is out of the question at present . Sorry but it will get better.

[wolf63]

Would it have not been simpler just to go for a trip to wherever Madonna goes and just buy a couple of babies?

Anyway you are one up on Alfie - they de-nutted him completely.

Come to think of it that could be why Frankie da Moggie is glaring at me.


;-)