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family law
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I am a mother with a 7year old son who has full parental responsability and was not married to his father but now he has applied to the court for parental responability and a residence order, we have been to court and now cafcass is involved they have suggested that contact is now to be two days during the week and not the regular two days on a weekend I stressed that when we had tried this before it was too mentally and physically exhausting for him but I felt like I had been forced into it so were trying it, I don't want him to have parental responsability as he's never shown an interest up until now because now I am ill and housebound and my partner is helping me to look after him, now he wants to play dad, I do have a solicitor but I am not entirly sure she's on my side could you advise me or give me any information on this matter please as it is tearing me apart as I feel useless and in constant tears because this is not fair on my son and I am the only one who is thinking of his feelings and how it will affect him, please help, thanks
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i wonder if you culd look at it the other way
1) why shouldnt the dad share responsibility and residence
2)just because he hasn't done so before (according to you, although he has been having him at weekends) dosent mean he dosent genuinely want to be a parent now
3) yur son is now older and my find it less exhausting ?(perhaps your son is finding it mentally exhausting to have an ill parent?, or one thats crying all the time)
4) it can surely only be good for your son to have a positive relationship with both his parents?
5) i dont really see how its not fair on your son to be looked after by his own dad
6)hs dad has a right to share responsibility, so it might be better for you if you accepted this rather than constantly be upset by it. no Matter what has happened between you and him you shouldnt let it affect their relationship
7) what does your son want?
1) why shouldnt the dad share responsibility and residence
2)just because he hasn't done so before (according to you, although he has been having him at weekends) dosent mean he dosent genuinely want to be a parent now
3) yur son is now older and my find it less exhausting ?(perhaps your son is finding it mentally exhausting to have an ill parent?, or one thats crying all the time)
4) it can surely only be good for your son to have a positive relationship with both his parents?
5) i dont really see how its not fair on your son to be looked after by his own dad
6)hs dad has a right to share responsibility, so it might be better for you if you accepted this rather than constantly be upset by it. no Matter what has happened between you and him you shouldnt let it affect their relationship
7) what does your son want?
im this woman's fiancee she wrote on ere looking for help and answers not sarcasm , i dnt know if ur a dad urself but u kno nothing bout her son's dad or what he has done or what he is like so if ur going to give an answer dont be biast bcoz ur a bloke and give an honest answer. Plus in mine an my fiancee's opinion the title of 'Dad' has to be earned and not just called, she has never stopped her son from seeing his father infact she was the one that encouraged this when the relationship broke down some 6 years ago but if she knew what he was like now back then, she wouldn't have been even posting this question an asking for help now an for ur information her son is very happy seeing his dad when he does.
it seems the man has been involved in his sons life at the weekends and now that has been changed to the week so he has been involved. I agree the law is very clear both parents are responsible for a child they create irrespective of their adult differences. The only way this would be different is if there were real concerns for the safety and welfare of a child with a parent. These would be investigated by social services. Whilst your relationship with your sons dad may not be good it is important that your son has the right to be given access to both his parents. Too often one parent is left with the burden of parenting whereas children need both parents, I think it is goo he wants to be involved in his sons life.
The most important person in all of this is your son and he needs to see that the adults around him can be respectful to each other if he is to grow up safe and secure. It may not be easy for you but it is best for your son
The most important person in all of this is your son and he needs to see that the adults around him can be respectful to each other if he is to grow up safe and secure. It may not be easy for you but it is best for your son
Okay, you asked for help and i gave you my honest opinion - not sarcasm, did you actually read or think about any of my answers? I am a woman, not a man, and my opinion is just as valid as one that agrees with yours! Perhaps you could open your mind a little teeny tiny bit? you say that the son is happy to see the dad - great! so what is the problem with sharing residence? in fact it might take a burden off you if you are ill. You are right when you say that the title of dad has to be earned, but how is he ever going to do that if you wont let him?
lastly, you are also right i know know nothing abut the man or what he is like (just as i know nothing about you or what you are like) but people not knowing the bloke hasn't stopped you asing advice nor should it prevent people giving you advice on your version of events. Put simply, if you don't want advice, don't ask for it!
lastly, you are also right i know know nothing abut the man or what he is like (just as i know nothing about you or what you are like) but people not knowing the bloke hasn't stopped you asing advice nor should it prevent people giving you advice on your version of events. Put simply, if you don't want advice, don't ask for it!
but if he aint bothered bout him up till nw y da hell shud she let him get too involved nw yes he has had contact up till nw bt dats just contact shes's da one who has bn dere wen he is ill nd clothed him , fed him bathed him looked afta him, made decisions about his health and education, nw im helping to look after him while his mum has bn ill , bt nw she aint well he is using it as an excuse nd a weapon nd all bcoz he's jealous of me being here. She'an me are the only one's out of all this that are actually thinking of her son an how its gonna effect him mentally where as his dad is only thinking of himself. It seems to me that you both think that all men are god and they can do no wrong well i think you both need to get to know the male race a bit more before you go opinionating on others people's lives.
Ps. Bednobs yes i asked for advice but not from the likes of people like you, i am an excellent mum, lots of friends and people have told me this also, i have brought my son up the best way i no how which is being open an honest with him all his life, i could have chosen not to let his dad into his life at all, then i would think you could say what you've said already but i didn't, i mean i could understand what you were saying if i was one of these mum's that treat their kids terribly but with me my son has always come first, always has and always will do.
I know how you feel my 17 year old daughter went with a guy who promised her the world ..she got pregnant .. he denied everything now 15 years later he suddenly wants to be daddy.. we allowed him access to his daughter but when she visits him she spends all day .. but comes home saying she has had nothing to eat.. and no presents at xmas or birthday cos he says she is lippy? We dont know why he needs to see her but she is desperate to have her Dad??
sorry? You want advice but not from people like me? people who dont agree with you mean?
i have in no way besmirched your ability to be a mum, and i'm sure you are an excellent one. However, you seem to be a bit blinkered! You imply that the dad wants only to see the son in an effort to somehow pee you off - but i cant see why anyone would want all the hassle of looking after a seven year old just because they are jealous of someone else!
your fiance firstly accuses me of not being able to see things your way because i am a man, then goes on to accuse me of not being able to see things your way because i am a woman. perhaps you could consider i don't see things your way simply because i don't agree with you.
you say you've made all the decisions abuout his health and welfare - why hasn't the dad been involved in those decisions? Maybe you could think of how it might affect your son mentally if he is not permitted to see his father too, not just how it might affect him mentally if he is allowed to see him. Your son is the most important person in this, and what he wants should be paramount, an from what you say he wants to see the dad!
i have in no way besmirched your ability to be a mum, and i'm sure you are an excellent one. However, you seem to be a bit blinkered! You imply that the dad wants only to see the son in an effort to somehow pee you off - but i cant see why anyone would want all the hassle of looking after a seven year old just because they are jealous of someone else!
your fiance firstly accuses me of not being able to see things your way because i am a man, then goes on to accuse me of not being able to see things your way because i am a woman. perhaps you could consider i don't see things your way simply because i don't agree with you.
you say you've made all the decisions abuout his health and welfare - why hasn't the dad been involved in those decisions? Maybe you could think of how it might affect your son mentally if he is not permitted to see his father too, not just how it might affect him mentally if he is allowed to see him. Your son is the most important person in this, and what he wants should be paramount, an from what you say he wants to see the dad!
Thats ok bednobs my fiance accepts your apology, but there was no need to apologise though luv. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but you seem to be walking round painting men in such a rosy picture, it seems to me that you maybe the answer to all mens prayers, I mean you think so like them, oh I get it now thats who you worship, they are your god! And yes, men do do things like that all for jealousy, you must not have had very many men in your life lol!
Men arn't all like your painting them to be, they are vindictive, mean, aggressive, spiteful malicous beings (I could go on) who only think from the waist down, it is maybe that you were a man in a previous life!
You have also obviously never had a man like his dad in your life because believe me if you had, you would be the only one making your childs decisions too.
If you read my answers to you before, it would tell you that I have never stopped my son from seeing his dad so maybe it is you that is walking around blinkered an not I!
Men arn't all like your painting them to be, they are vindictive, mean, aggressive, spiteful malicous beings (I could go on) who only think from the waist down, it is maybe that you were a man in a previous life!
You have also obviously never had a man like his dad in your life because believe me if you had, you would be the only one making your childs decisions too.
If you read my answers to you before, it would tell you that I have never stopped my son from seeing his dad so maybe it is you that is walking around blinkered an not I!
You are being totally unfair and quite frankly downright rude and nasty to bednobs who has given you a perfectly reasonable and valid answer.
Your son is happy to see his father; his father wants to see him.
You are ill and crying all the time so I can't see where the problem is. At least you get to spend the weekends with your son now, when he has more free time. Or is it that you preferred your son to spend weekends with his dad so you can spend quality time with your new man?
Your son is happy to see his father; his father wants to see him.
You are ill and crying all the time so I can't see where the problem is. At least you get to spend the weekends with your son now, when he has more free time. Or is it that you preferred your son to spend weekends with his dad so you can spend quality time with your new man?
You have turned this post from a request for advice into a rant against men. If you are of the opinion that men are nasty and vindictive then I suggest you give them a wide berth including your present partner who seems a nasty peice of work. Sounds like you are attracted to the wrong sort of men. I would suggest that you are more concerned about your own feelings rather than your own. Your son is happy to see his father so what is the problem?
You are out of order. You ask for advice, but it is obvious that you dont want advice you only want opinions that back up your own opinions. You have no right to abuse bednobs in the way that you have. If you dont want advice dont ask for it. You dont have to agree with it, but you should certainly not turn on the person who is trying to help.
I am a grandmother. My son has a four year old son by a previous girlfriend who did her damnedest to prevent my son having anything to do with his son (other than handing over money every weeek of course) He went to court for access and now has a beautiful relationship with his son. They love one another to bits despite his ex doing everything she could to prevent it. She is a nasty, vindictive, thoroughly horrible person who professes to be a good mother. But besides being clothed and fed a child needs the love of his parents. BOTH PARENTS ideally. The courts recognize this and so should you.
You are out of order. You ask for advice, but it is obvious that you dont want advice you only want opinions that back up your own opinions. You have no right to abuse bednobs in the way that you have. If you dont want advice dont ask for it. You dont have to agree with it, but you should certainly not turn on the person who is trying to help.
I am a grandmother. My son has a four year old son by a previous girlfriend who did her damnedest to prevent my son having anything to do with his son (other than handing over money every weeek of course) He went to court for access and now has a beautiful relationship with his son. They love one another to bits despite his ex doing everything she could to prevent it. She is a nasty, vindictive, thoroughly horrible person who professes to be a good mother. But besides being clothed and fed a child needs the love of his parents. BOTH PARENTS ideally. The courts recognize this and so should you.
Hiya persianbitch the only nasty peice of wotk on here love is you, by the sound of it your son's ex girlfriend did right especially if your son is anything like you, there was obviously a reason why she did what she did as people do not do something for no reason. Your son may have "a good relationship" with his son but if your son is as foul mouthed as you then his son will realise this for himself when he is older.
Oh an persian"i am miss stuck up"lady just for the record i did not at any point say that ALL men are evil i just said that some or alot of men can be. My fiance is not a nasty peice of work you know fuk all about him so you cannot comment, he is the most caring, loving person you could ever meet.
It would seem to me that you should curl up with bednobs and ethel in bed with a nice cup of cocoa and mind your own business!
It would seem to me that you should curl up with bednobs and ethel in bed with a nice cup of cocoa and mind your own business!
I take it that your solicitor is saying much the same as these ladies here and that is why you don't think she is on your side. How many people saying the same will it take before you begin to realise that perhaps you are wrong? And before you come in berating me for daring to have an opinion, I have a very thick skin and can take whatever you chuck at me. LOL
If you don't like the legal advice your solicitor is giving you,get a different one!
Abusing the long time members of this site is going to get you nowhere,any questions you may want to ask in future will probably be ignored by anyone who has seen the way you retaliate when you don't get the answers you want to hear.
Abusing the long time members of this site is going to get you nowhere,any questions you may want to ask in future will probably be ignored by anyone who has seen the way you retaliate when you don't get the answers you want to hear.
im not sure now if this is a wind up or what , you have gone from this meek and mild caring mother to this swearing and tantrum throwing "person".
i think you are bang out of order for speaking to people like that,jumping on people because they dont say what you want to hear.
the image has suddenly changed from maria von trappe to vicky pollard !
if this is genuine and your ex is such a ******* then why have you actively tried to involve him in your sons life ? according to you you have made it easy for him and he hasnt been interested,but you said in your post that he has had the child on weekends? contradicting yourself a tad.
go ahead with what is said and let him have your( ie yours and his ) son during the week and if he is really as bad as you say then no doubt he will mess up anyway and then you can always hold your head up and say you tried your best.
at 7 years old im sure your son has an opinion of his own and i think he should be allowed some sayin the matter regardless of what you think.
i think you are bang out of order for speaking to people like that,jumping on people because they dont say what you want to hear.
the image has suddenly changed from maria von trappe to vicky pollard !
if this is genuine and your ex is such a ******* then why have you actively tried to involve him in your sons life ? according to you you have made it easy for him and he hasnt been interested,but you said in your post that he has had the child on weekends? contradicting yourself a tad.
go ahead with what is said and let him have your( ie yours and his ) son during the week and if he is really as bad as you say then no doubt he will mess up anyway and then you can always hold your head up and say you tried your best.
at 7 years old im sure your son has an opinion of his own and i think he should be allowed some sayin the matter regardless of what you think.
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