please help

[suse17]

hubby of 24 years was having an affair he has come back to me having stayed in a band b for a few nights the thing is trust i know that its going to be hard and ive realy tried not to be to over the top but ive never had a jealous bone in my body and now i cannt help it .he says that hes with me and not her and that that should be enough but i dont feel it .i feel that ive got to be greatful for him being with me and dont rock the boat by asking him questions.at the moment hes not talking to me because he says that im doing his head in by asking if he was texing her when he was acting out of character i feel that i cannt talk to him and i dont know where to go from here i realy want this to work but ive lost all faith in it the woman he was with still wants him and she is stunning looking compared to me im short very fat and ugly so i woulnt blame him for not fancieng me anymore just so used to being able to put things right in our marriage and this one i cannt seem to be able to fix please help anybody who has gone through this and surrvived how do you do it anybody out there who has made a go of this and its worked please advise what to do thanks in advance

[raysparx1]

Hi suse, so sorry to hear about what has happened, how do you mend a broken heart? it will take a long time for you to get over what has happened, but first of all try to stop putting yourself down, ( I am short,fat and ugly) he obviously wants it to work, and you do need to talk, but try not to get too emotional I know this will be very hard to do, but when you feel strong enough, then talk to him, ask him why it happened, maybe he was bored with the life you have at the moment, maybe he felt you were letting yourself go a bit, we all take each other for granted, but 24 years is a lot to just throw away, he was probably very flattered that somebody else fancied him, but noe he realises that their is more to life than an affair, I hope you can get it sorted, but it will take time, maybe you both need to rekindle what you obviously had, try doing all the things you used to do, simple things like walks, picnics etc, and enjoy being together again, good luck wish you a happy future, Ray

[gonzo00]

hey suse, don't ever describe yourself that way. everybody has doubts about their looks pet but look at it this way,you got something if your hubby was with you for 24 years.
sometimes (and i speak from experience) people do things on the spur of the moment and maybe out of boredom and usually only hurt the ones that they truly love.
there is nothing that can't be sorted out but it usually takes a lot of time and hard work...i can't begin to imagine how hurt you feel right now but give it time.
your hubby probably feels very foolish and probably dosen't feel ready to really talk about things yet.
good luck with it babes..i hope you can get past all this and make things work out.

[ilovemarkb]

just want to give you a big hug right now! you must be emotionally wrecked. you,ve not to let your man see that you feel short fat and ugly.men generally dont like weakness in a woman. Lets face it beauty is only skin deep ' you wouldnt have been together for 24 years if he saw you the way you thinks he see.s you! now for nitty gritty........ i personally couldnt spend my life with somebody thats been unfaithful to me, i would torture myself wanting to know every detail of the affair, id rather be on my own and happy (after a few months) than be forever wondering if he was going to stray

[ilovemarkb]

(im a victim of an affair ) as you can probably tell. however i do have freinds that marraiges have survived an affair and have gone on to be very happy, so maybe it was just a big mistake. In my eyes he.s done wrong and should be prepared to go to the end of the earth and back, just to make things right and to answer all your questions. you.ve got to decide how you want things to be. i wish you the very best and hope you can find happiness (with or without him). julie x

[unhappychick]

What a horrible situation to be in, but if im honest it sounds like your confidence is at rock bottom, which isnt helping the scenario...your husband probably knows this and feels he has the upper hand, what with him knowing how much you want him and this other woman does as well, its giving him reason to feel more superior.

I wouldnt worry yourself about how stunning this other woman is, its you hes coming home to every night, however I do feel that if you have questions, you have the right to an explanation/explanations, he owes you this at least....you need to pick yourself up and get out of this "im not good enough" rut, get your self esteem back and believe in yourself, I know its easy for me to say but only you have the power to do it...good luck -x-

[leelapops]

Amen to that, unhappychick!
suse, love, you must feel so down at the moment. I speak from experience here when I say that it is the most soul-destroying situation, isn't it?

However, you are beautiful and don't forget it! You have LET him back into your life, and he ought to be very grateful, not the other way round. Have you done anything to boost your confidence? Joined a new group? Had a haircut and makeover? Bought some nice clothes? Started a hobby, or re-started an interest you have never had time to pursue before? It is critical, to me, that you have something outside of the marriage so that there isn't too great a dependency on the relationship.

You must feel so suspicious all the time; I know I was. And even now, 18 months on, I do have moments of colossal insecurity. However, if both of you want it to work, he needs to acknowledge his grave mistake, and provide you with answers to your questions, so that you can move on and make a fresh start. You need to know that he no longer has her number, that he doesn't ever see her, etc.

The 'other woman' can't have been anything special, but she was probably something different. ray is right (as usual!), sometimes it is easy to grow accustomed to one another and take that for granted, but relationships are a constant effort, your husband also needs to realise this.

Have you considered joint counselling? An objective third party can be so helpful. Lots of luck hun, I realy feel for you. xx

[leelapops]

PS If you would like a listening ear, feel free to PM me i n SportsBank. x

[suse17]

thank you so much for all the time you have taken to post me answers i have read and re read all of them and it has been a tremendous help thank you all again xxxx