We had the "obey" in our marriage vows, simply because it was a traditional one - but I doubt anyone takes them literally these days. Obey sounds like an order anyway. I do what my husband asks of me - if I think it's right, and vice versa. We don't deliberately go against each other to cause any upset. I often do things MY way, because that's me - but my other half agree with me, so all's well.