News4 mins ago
What Should I Do About My Girlfriend?
30 Answers
So firstly I want to start this post with the fact that I do actually love my girlfriend very much, up to this point I have 100% seen a future with her long term and would love to be able to continue to have a healthy relationship with her.
My girlfriend and I are about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. Prior to this relationship, I have experienced heartbreak (got cheated on) which unfortunately has led to me having trust issues (once triggered). A few months into our relationship, my girlfriend and I went away. During this vacation, it was brought to my attention that my girlfriend was entertaining a flirtatious conversation with a previous boyfriend. I was informed by a mutual friend of mine and the ex. He later screenshots of the conversation. The messages were nothing crazy, but were definitely not messages I enjoyed seeing, especially as from the conception of our relationship, I have given nothing but 100% and been entirely honest and loyal. The messages contained things like missing previous times together, and how he would go back in time and redo it all again. At no point did she state that she was now in a relationship and that the conversation was inappropriate. Instead, she seems to laugh at the messages, almost urging the guy to continue with the flirtatious comments.
After our vacation, I brought these messages to her attention and told her i had seen the messages. We didn't speak for a couple of days and after that (she attempted to message but I ignored her messages). I messaged her a few days after saying i had processed the situation and was happy to move on as long as she could assure me that it would be the last time dealing with such a thing. She sincerely apologised and acknowledged that it was wrong and that she knew it wasn't really acceptable. Since then, things have been smooth, however since then, I now find myself constantly worried and nervous that she is entertaining conversations with other dudes.
I recently discovered the password to her phone and i have now made a habit of checking her messages when shes in the bathroom or shower. I know it is an invasion of privacy and it is wrong but i just cant help it sometimes, as i fear being hurt again. A particular name has come up over the last few times (for the purpose of this, lets call said person, Person A)but nothing too daunting or worrying. Over the weekend, we went on another city break and I happened to go through her messages on Snapchat. For those that aren't aware, Snapchat gives you the ability to save your messages and the messages of the person you are talking to. I saw Person A's name there again. I decided to click the messages and scroll back a few days. I saw that my girlfriend, although not saving any of her responses, had all of his messages saved. Messages such as him asking to take her out, asking when she will give him a chance, him calling her pet names such as "my sweet (insert name here)". These messages spanned back a few weeks. What really wound me up was the fact that she had actually responded to him whilst we were together saying she was just "chilling" when asked what she was up to. Reading his messages, it became apparently clear that this guy most probably had no clue she has a boyfriend because in one of his messages he stated if she wasn't interested, that she should just let him know and he will stop bothering her.
The problem i am facing now is I'm really struggling to trust my girlfriend. Firstly, due to the first incident that occured but also because of these additional messages that I have seen. As previously mentioned, I have absolutely no clue what her responses to these messages were, as she didn't save her responses, but by the looks of it, the guy has not been shut down, not in a way I know I would, had I been in the same situation. I don't know what to do, I feel like I can not confront my girlfriend about these messages because of how i came to find out about them. I shouldn't have been sno
My girlfriend and I are about to celebrate our 1 year anniversary. Prior to this relationship, I have experienced heartbreak (got cheated on) which unfortunately has led to me having trust issues (once triggered). A few months into our relationship, my girlfriend and I went away. During this vacation, it was brought to my attention that my girlfriend was entertaining a flirtatious conversation with a previous boyfriend. I was informed by a mutual friend of mine and the ex. He later screenshots of the conversation. The messages were nothing crazy, but were definitely not messages I enjoyed seeing, especially as from the conception of our relationship, I have given nothing but 100% and been entirely honest and loyal. The messages contained things like missing previous times together, and how he would go back in time and redo it all again. At no point did she state that she was now in a relationship and that the conversation was inappropriate. Instead, she seems to laugh at the messages, almost urging the guy to continue with the flirtatious comments.
After our vacation, I brought these messages to her attention and told her i had seen the messages. We didn't speak for a couple of days and after that (she attempted to message but I ignored her messages). I messaged her a few days after saying i had processed the situation and was happy to move on as long as she could assure me that it would be the last time dealing with such a thing. She sincerely apologised and acknowledged that it was wrong and that she knew it wasn't really acceptable. Since then, things have been smooth, however since then, I now find myself constantly worried and nervous that she is entertaining conversations with other dudes.
I recently discovered the password to her phone and i have now made a habit of checking her messages when shes in the bathroom or shower. I know it is an invasion of privacy and it is wrong but i just cant help it sometimes, as i fear being hurt again. A particular name has come up over the last few times (for the purpose of this, lets call said person, Person A)but nothing too daunting or worrying. Over the weekend, we went on another city break and I happened to go through her messages on Snapchat. For those that aren't aware, Snapchat gives you the ability to save your messages and the messages of the person you are talking to. I saw Person A's name there again. I decided to click the messages and scroll back a few days. I saw that my girlfriend, although not saving any of her responses, had all of his messages saved. Messages such as him asking to take her out, asking when she will give him a chance, him calling her pet names such as "my sweet (insert name here)". These messages spanned back a few weeks. What really wound me up was the fact that she had actually responded to him whilst we were together saying she was just "chilling" when asked what she was up to. Reading his messages, it became apparently clear that this guy most probably had no clue she has a boyfriend because in one of his messages he stated if she wasn't interested, that she should just let him know and he will stop bothering her.
The problem i am facing now is I'm really struggling to trust my girlfriend. Firstly, due to the first incident that occured but also because of these additional messages that I have seen. As previously mentioned, I have absolutely no clue what her responses to these messages were, as she didn't save her responses, but by the looks of it, the guy has not been shut down, not in a way I know I would, had I been in the same situation. I don't know what to do, I feel like I can not confront my girlfriend about these messages because of how i came to find out about them. I shouldn't have been sno
Answers
She might not be interested in these men - some woman (and men) just thrive on attention. You definitely need to have a serious discussion though as the situation can't go on like this. You need to own up to looking through her messages and tell her you didn't feel comfortable doing it but neither are you comfortable with the content of those messages and just...
19:50 Mon 09th Aug 2021
blimey is someone complaining about the deleteds?
or are the mods self-activiating this evg - in which case dont - there is (was) nothing wrong with those hat are not with us....
Sqsd - you must have a broad back - - your patients must have sworn at you at some time or other.... looking at the gelz phone - spells/ predicts the end of a relationship.
I suppose it is better to know they are
or are the mods self-activiating this evg - in which case dont - there is (was) nothing wrong with those hat are not with us....
Sqsd - you must have a broad back - - your patients must have sworn at you at some time or other.... looking at the gelz phone - spells/ predicts the end of a relationship.
I suppose it is better to know they are
@Smowball im 23 years old.
@cashier - it isn't just a "friendship", which you would understand if you read my message with an open mind, rather than being quick to jump to your own conclusion that I am controlling.
For those that are condemning me for going through her messages, I totally understand your point of view. I never once said it was the right thing to do. I totally agree that it is wrong.
What you have to understand is that this is a result of the first incident, where she was actually entertaining the conversation with someone else. After talking about it, she explained that it was someone she used to date hence why she responded. I am not controlling, I have never prevented her from doing anything she wants to do as she is a person in her own right. I don't have any "control" over her or any say over her actions.
At the end of the day, I am only human. I have emotions just as much as everyone else here that has taken the time to answer my question. I do not search her phone regularly, this was the first time that it happened. It is not something I plan to make a habit out of. I was clearly still a little uneasy about the previous situation and had a temporary lapse in judgment. To be entirely honest, I wish I didn't, as the stress, I have felt since then, has not been worth it. I think we will have a conversation regarding what we consider as appropriate boundaries to prevent any agro moving on
@cashier - it isn't just a "friendship", which you would understand if you read my message with an open mind, rather than being quick to jump to your own conclusion that I am controlling.
For those that are condemning me for going through her messages, I totally understand your point of view. I never once said it was the right thing to do. I totally agree that it is wrong.
What you have to understand is that this is a result of the first incident, where she was actually entertaining the conversation with someone else. After talking about it, she explained that it was someone she used to date hence why she responded. I am not controlling, I have never prevented her from doing anything she wants to do as she is a person in her own right. I don't have any "control" over her or any say over her actions.
At the end of the day, I am only human. I have emotions just as much as everyone else here that has taken the time to answer my question. I do not search her phone regularly, this was the first time that it happened. It is not something I plan to make a habit out of. I was clearly still a little uneasy about the previous situation and had a temporary lapse in judgment. To be entirely honest, I wish I didn't, as the stress, I have felt since then, has not been worth it. I think we will have a conversation regarding what we consider as appropriate boundaries to prevent any agro moving on
You seem to be taking out your previous experience on the wrong person. Your girlfriend may enjoy a bit 9f flirting and attention, but your behaviour is clearly much worse.
How did you "discover" her password, why are you reading her messages? It's her who shouldn't be trusting you, and I think you know that.
Be honest, and speak to her- but your insecurity shouldn't be her problem. And hopefully, she knows that.
How did you "discover" her password, why are you reading her messages? It's her who shouldn't be trusting you, and I think you know that.
Be honest, and speak to her- but your insecurity shouldn't be her problem. And hopefully, she knows that.
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