Home & Garden2 mins ago
Is It Just Me?
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Went with my sister and niece today to sprinkle some of my mums ashes on to my dad's grave.
Felt no emotion whatsoever...as far as I was concerned we were just sprinkling dust on to a piece of grass. My sister and niece were a bit emotional though.
A bag of ash is not my mother and a piece of turf with a corpse under it is not my dad.
Think (and frequently dream) about my late mum often. I miss her terribly.
(not so much my dad now, he died 20 yrs ago but still miss him)
But just dont get this idea that my mum is now reunited with my dad because we scattered some ash on a piece of turf?
Just seems like a lot of hooey to me though I can understand that it gave my sister and niece a lot of comfort.
Feel a bit bad because I got more from today by feeding the squirrels in the cemetary.
Please tell me its not just me.
I just dont (can't) see a bag of ashes, or a corpse 6 feet under, as a loved one.
Felt no emotion whatsoever...as far as I was concerned we were just sprinkling dust on to a piece of grass. My sister and niece were a bit emotional though.
A bag of ash is not my mother and a piece of turf with a corpse under it is not my dad.
Think (and frequently dream) about my late mum often. I miss her terribly.
(not so much my dad now, he died 20 yrs ago but still miss him)
But just dont get this idea that my mum is now reunited with my dad because we scattered some ash on a piece of turf?
Just seems like a lot of hooey to me though I can understand that it gave my sister and niece a lot of comfort.
Feel a bit bad because I got more from today by feeding the squirrels in the cemetary.
Please tell me its not just me.
I just dont (can't) see a bag of ashes, or a corpse 6 feet under, as a loved one.
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No best answer has yet been selected by nailit. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.>>> I'd feel more for my cat than I would a family member passing
Just like me then. I've had lots of family and friends die over the past half century or so and never shed a tear once. (That wasn't through 'holding it back' at all; I simply never felt like crying). When my beloved cat Biscuit was killed by a car last November, I cried all night long.
Just like me then. I've had lots of family and friends die over the past half century or so and never shed a tear once. (That wasn't through 'holding it back' at all; I simply never felt like crying). When my beloved cat Biscuit was killed by a car last November, I cried all night long.
Nailit - // Thats a bit near the knuckle Chris...
Any one else would have been suspended for that remark. //
That's not true.
Suspensions occur for frequent deliberate flouting of Site Rules.
Suspensions are as fair as possible - there are no 'favourites' contrary to the belief of a small minority who preach that nonsense regularly without evidence.
Chris's observation does not contravene Site Rules.
Any one else would have been suspended for that remark. //
That's not true.
Suspensions occur for frequent deliberate flouting of Site Rules.
Suspensions are as fair as possible - there are no 'favourites' contrary to the belief of a small minority who preach that nonsense regularly without evidence.
Chris's observation does not contravene Site Rules.
The interesting aspect of this thread is that it does show up the variety of views and opinions about the mourning process.
Some feel comfort from the symbolism and ritual of ashes and burial, some feel nothing, some feel nothing, but are coerced into action either by family pressure, or by social etiquette and a desire to be seen to do the 'right thing'.
But the result, as advised, is that ideally, we all cope with the loss of a loved one in a way that gives us comfort and allows us to assimilate the loss into our lives.
Some feel comfort from the symbolism and ritual of ashes and burial, some feel nothing, some feel nothing, but are coerced into action either by family pressure, or by social etiquette and a desire to be seen to do the 'right thing'.
But the result, as advised, is that ideally, we all cope with the loss of a loved one in a way that gives us comfort and allows us to assimilate the loss into our lives.
It's certainly not just you. Much to my sister's disappointment I will never go with her to visit parents' or grandparent's graves. "They" are not in there, just a sad old husk. "They" are in my heart and always will be.
It's coming up for 4 years since Mr F died, and I do still have his ashes in the house. The only reason for that is both my sons want his and my ashes together somewhere, as yet to be decided. I did once tell them just to "fire my ashes of the top of a cliff, in the hopes of landing in my least liked aquaintances' picnic sandwiches", but that was more in jest than anything.
However, when we still lived on the Isle of Wight, I went occasionally to the Pet Cemetary where all my various siamese cats were interred.
Now how contrary is that Nailit?
I do have a tiny portion of Mr F's ashes in a pendant I wear.
It's coming up for 4 years since Mr F died, and I do still have his ashes in the house. The only reason for that is both my sons want his and my ashes together somewhere, as yet to be decided. I did once tell them just to "fire my ashes of the top of a cliff, in the hopes of landing in my least liked aquaintances' picnic sandwiches", but that was more in jest than anything.
However, when we still lived on the Isle of Wight, I went occasionally to the Pet Cemetary where all my various siamese cats were interred.
Now how contrary is that Nailit?
I do have a tiny portion of Mr F's ashes in a pendant I wear.