trouble teen and social services

[nwtrikette]

my daughter is nearly 13 and really hard work. she suffers badly from pmt and every month is a nighmare. she smokes, she has run away from home and threatened suicide (i dont think she was serious, just looking for a reaction). she says she has had a terrible upbringing (I personally dont think it was that bad, although we have had some tough times). she says she hates me and her step father and would rather live in a childrens home.

Last week i was at my wits end and phoned the social services to ask for help. All they did was take my details and said they would phone me straight back. 4 days later I recieved a letter with an appointment for this friday. I dont know if I should attend this appointment with or without my daughter. she has been ok for a few days now but I am still going to attend the appointment.

I dont believe that it is just a PMT problem, she has a terrible attitude and no respect for anyone. School are putting her on an anger managment program in September.

Anyone else had dealings with social services? My biggest concern is that they will somehow think that it is all my fault and start taking an unwanted interest in my other 2 children.

After reading through what I have written here it doen't sound all THAT bad but I cant find the words to discribe how hard things have been with her.

[oldwoman]

My daughter is epileptic and I have been trying to get help for the last 29 years.She also blames me for everything in life.She has taken overdoses,stopped eating,smashed my things up. To the outside world she is sweetness and light. Ihave been trying to get a social worker for her with no luck. I am now going to get help for myself, in the hope that in a round about way I can get help for her. Go to the appointment on your own, I have my first one in a fortnights time. Put your side of the story first, my biggest problem has been people talk to her, but no one hears my sidey.

[saxy_jag]

I have worked for social services, admittedly in an administrative capacity, but it did mean I got to see planty of case files.

Believe me, the social worker's concern will be for the welfare of your daughter, although if her behaviour appears to put herself or your other children at risk of harm, then the he/she is duty bound to intervene - it's not just a matter of being interfering. In any case, social services usually like to know about siblings etc because then it gives them a better idea of the family dynamic. Social workers are not out to seperate you from your children. They are highly trained and experienced and genuinely care for those individuals who make up their caseloads. They can also be the key to getting further help, both practical and financial.

The problem with social work is that it only seems to become high profile when it goes wrong - the Victoria Clambies of this world, for instance. But there is so much social work going right and making big differences to people's lives.

If you're concerned about that first interview (which will most likely just be an 'assessment' interview), then call the person who's going to be interviewing you and ask them what to expect and whether you should take your daughter. You may have to leave a message (perhaps with someone like me), but the team I worked for were pretty good at returning them.

[mycats]

I was the teenage brat from hell !! Trust me I was about 100 times worse than your daughter sounds and I eventually went into care at 14, I really believe that if it hadnt been for that break from my mum and the help of social worker I would have ended up in jail or dead. I loved my social worker and she was briliant with me. They get a bad press but if you find one you like and trust they can be a HUGE help, honestly. They dont want to split familes up or take children away, honest.
By the way, my mum and I are VERY close now and get on great. I am at college and making something of my life, give her time, she will come through this. Best of luck x

[SJP]

hi,i'm having the same kind of problems with my 13yr old son,he hates me and his dad with a passion and hopes we die.As you are, we are ffinding it incredibly difficult not to allow him to turn our lives upside down,the hurtful things he comes out and says is unbelievable.What i can say is go to the meeting alone because you will find it easier to think about the things you need to say rather than having the stress of you daughter saying that everything you say is wrong and you not been able to let them know what is going on.you can make a second appointment for you both to go.good luck anyway and keep smiling..