My Wife

[marval]

My wife sent me shopping earlier, and told me to pick up the bear essentials. I didn’t even know that we had one, but I did as she asked, and picked up a large jar of honey.

This is the fifth time this week that I’ve skydived into a bakery. I’m on a roll.

I have an excellent sleeping pattern. But then again, I do knit my own pyjamas.

I used to have a horse called Treacle, he had golden stirrups.

The plumber called me this morning and said he couldn’t finish fitting my boiler as he had the flu. I asked, “but isn’t that the only bit you need?”

I recently got sacked from my job making doors. I just couldn’t handle it.

I went to the music store the other day and asked “can I see your kettle drum?” The guy replied “No, but would you like to see my toaster play the flute?”

My partner always cooks our Christmas Ham in a bottle of wine. I have no idea how she gets it in there, but it tastes brilliant.

I have just read my local newspaper. It had stories about snails, slugs and tortoises. It must be a slow news day.

I’m going to invent a saying about yoghurts. Well, more of a fromage phrase.

I have just bought a waffle iron. I hate creased waffles.

[Voltage]

lol some crackers there

[Patsy33]

Lol!

[Chipchopper]

Never, ever forget the beer essentials!