Joint Accounts & Expenditure

[Sceptre]

My daughter has been married for nearly two years and they had been together for 7 years before that. They have their own house and love each other very much.

The problem is, money.

They have always had their own money after paying equal amounts of their wages into a joint account to pay all the bills. My daughter has recently changed her job and is earning quite a bit less than she used to, and so her husband puts a bit more of his earnings into the joint, than she does. However, there are some months when she is down to £3 to last her until she is paid again.

His mother is quite well off and has recently given him £1000 on top of buying him a new laptop. Sadly, I’m not in a position to do the same for my daughter.

Back in the 70s, when you got married, two became one, and joint accounts meant just that.........what was earned was pooled and spent on both partners needs, what ever they might be. Today, it seems that “what’s yours is mine and what’s mine’s my own,” for the poorer partner in the relationship, at least in this case it seems to be.

Don’t get me wrong, if she asked him for some extra money to tide her over it would be forthcoming, but she would have to justify it, and he makes her feel bad by stating how low his bank balance is, (not).

Has anyone any ideas how to help her situation? Thanks.

[ummmm]

Do they share the household chores equally?

My OH earns loads more than me but it's me that mostly has the bank card.

[Sceptre]

Lol. Don’t get me started on that, ummmm. No. She does the lion’s share.

[Islay]

Don't know how to help, but I earn less than my husband.
We have 3 accounts all money goes into the joint account and all bills and savings comes out of there, we then take equal 'pocket money' into our own accounts.
Marriage is about equality therefore it should not matter who earns more.

[Sceptre]

Now that makes sense, Islay..

[New Judge]

"Marriage is about equality therefore it should not matter who earns more."

Exactly. It is manifestly unfair that Sceptre's daughter has no cash left over each month whilst her husband has a tidy sum. Without her contribution her husband would be considerably less well off - probably to the degree that he may not be able to enjoy his current lifestyle. His wife is enabling that enjoyment and he should recognise that.

[Sceptre]

Hear, hear NJ. I don’t think that has occurred to him.

[Islay]

She needs to sit him down and tell him straight and give him alternatives like the one we do otherwise it is going to breed contemp.

[New Judge]

In fact, a better way to explain this would be perhaps to use some hypothetical figures.

Let’s say hubby takes home £3,000 per month and his wife £2,000. The joint outgoings are £3,500. Most of the “big ticket” items of those outgoings (mortgage, utility bills, insurance, etc.) would probably not vary much whether there was one or two people. Hubby enjoys all the facilities of a home which he could not afford on his own whilst having £1,250 to spend each month. Meanwhile his wife, who has also enjoys the same facilities and has paid for half of everything (and probably does most of the housework – but that’s another argument), gets by on just £250. It’s almost as if she is being punished for earning so little and that’s no way for a marriage to thrive.

[bhg481]

I can't see how he can love her and, at the same time, happily spend his own money knowing that she hasn't got any.
We've never "had is and hers" in our marriage; I can't think of any reason that I should have money that I can spend on ME without joint approval.

[Guilbert53]

Instead of putting equal amounts into the joint account to pay bills why don't they put a percentage in the joint account relating to how much they earn.

So if he earns say £30,000 a year and she earns say £20,000 a year then he puts in 60% of the money and she puts in 40% to the joint account (or whatever % fits their situation).

That seems fair.

[ubasses]

Exactly what I said at 15.48.

[ummmm]

She could start charging him for the household chores :-)

[bednobs]

i dont see in what world it doesn't make sense to have a little put aside for running away!

[jno]

brides used to put a sixpence in their shoe at the wedding. It was running away money, so if he beat her and she had to leave him, she wouldn't be penniless. Generally, I've always approved of women having their own means. Men don't need to, since they still earn £100 a week more than women.

However, if you ran your affairs jointly, you wouldn't just take a lower-paid job and expect the other to make up the difference. It would need to be agreed between the two of them.