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Here Is The Ab News For 2013

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Buenchico | 23:37 Sat 29th Dec 2012 | ChatterBank
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January: The Times celebrates the new year by publishing the biggest, and hardest, cryptic crossword in its history. It appears on the newspaper's website at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve. At one minute past midnight Lie-in King emails the solution to The Times.

February: The Editor announces a new badge for anyone who has posted at least ten times complaining about badges. It is immediately awarded to all regular contributors.

March: As the end of the tax year approaches, HMRC finally finds a way of sending a massive tax bill to a major American coffee company. Unfortunately an administrative error means that the recipient is not Starbucks, but Starbuckone. ABers star a whip round.

April: Civil war breaks out between Norfolk and Suffolk. Shaneystar2 is put in charge of the 3rd Armoured Norfolk Turkey Brigade, while Buenchico hurls swedes from behind the barricades.

May: Following an update, AB repeatedly crashes in Internet Explorer, Firefox, Chrome and Safari. AB's techies repeatedly blame the people who've programmed Internet Explorer, Firefox, Chrome and Safari, before finally admitting that they'd spilt coffee into AB's server.

June: Sherrardk publishes a book reviewing every single family attraction within a 150 mile radius of Hereford (all of which she has visited). The entry for Wookey Hole alone takes up a whole page,but this is reduced to a few lines after all the expletives are deleted.

July: The annual nude cycle ride takes place in Brighton. A naked female is seen, sitting astride a bicycle saddle, clutching a Bacardi & Coke and singing loudly. This would not be unusual except for the fact that it's not on the official route but in the cycle display area of the local branch of Halfords. Joggerjayne doesn't post for a while.

August: AB is closed down for much of the month, while MI5 investigate reports of strange messages, in an undecipherable code, being posted on the site. After several weeks of investigation they realise that it was only MarkRae posting in Gaelic again.

September: Jemisa wins Britain's Got Talent with her comedy routines. The show is immediately axed.

October: The owner of Barmaid's local off-licence asks if she'll represent him on a 'pro bono' basis. She agrees to take the case on a 'pro vino' basis.

November: A worldwide baking crisis looms after a fault develops with a critically important computer at the Bank of England. Nobody can fix it until AB's crack team arrives. Methyl immediately has a valid solution but he needs to know the make and model of every part of the computer, the exact version number of the software and the maiden name of the mother of the guy who programmed it. While he's collecting this information, ChuckFickens fixes the problem by turning the computer off, waiting 30 seconds and turning it on again.

December: A faulty fuel gauge means that an American 747 airliner runs out of fuel over the Midlands. The pilot, Clanad, calmly lands on the M6, refuels at Keele services and continues with the flight. Ryanair announces the immediate commencement of flights from Keele services, which they are to rename 'London North Airport'.
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Re November, if there's a 'baking' crisis I would suggest VodkanCoke would be more use.......
By golly your crystal ball must be working well tonight!


BTW- had the laptop checked, no problems with hardware, problem thought to be some virus (despite running very regular security scans) so I reset the whole thing back to the factory settings and it seems to be running really well (touch wood!)
lol, sounds like another good year then. You forgot the government appointment of Buenchico as Beeching Mk II with a brief to close down all the railway lines of Britain, followed by the unfortunate but unsolved massacre of 427 transport department special advisers by a masked but otherwise naked man wielding swedes.
:c)
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Good point, EC! (I thought that I'd checked my text for errors before posting but obviously not very well!)

Nungate: I'm glad that you've got things sorted out.

Jno: There's no way that I'd be closing any railway lines. I want to be able to travel AND to have a drink when I get there!

Hi, CD!
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PS, Jno:
I didn't know that you'd got hold of the photographs ;-)
http://lovelysqualor.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/ftlorzvhoqpnug7tkr9qfqgoo1_500.jpg?w=450&h=675
Sometimes typos add value!
Brilliant - arise Sir Chris!
very imaginative

well done
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Damn!
I was just too late for the New Year's Honours list, Ann ;-)
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Thank you, Excelsior!
B.....that's so good!! GX
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Hi, Gness. Thanks ;-)
Brilliant and your mention of me in the context of tax means you have picked up on my loathing for paying income tax. Very perceptive of you.
I notice you have not forecast the end of the world! May I ask why not?
:) Love it!
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Good evening, SB1.

Didn't you know that the world HAS ended? All around you, and even yourself, is entirely a figment of your imagination.
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Thank you, Vodkancoke. It's good to see that EC has recognised your own talents!
:) Thank you Eccles. xx
You're welcome VnC.

Buenchico, I hope I didn't come across as snickety, the post made me laugh especially the typo. :-)
Didn't care much for the mask Chris, but the figure is nice. (wistfully) Makes me wish I was young again.

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