Tech Support

[Canary42]

I know collections of these turn up regularly, but I've not come across many of these before, and several had me laughing out loud. The second one is priceless IMHO. Apologies if you've seen them all before, otherwise enjoy :-


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Customer: Hi, this is Celine ... I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the eject button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry...
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Tech support: ; Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello.. I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and....
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates..
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer' 'Ive even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
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Customer: I have problems printing in red..
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support :Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah that one does work..
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Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
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Customer :I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five dots.
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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first email.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer:' No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
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[EdmundD]

I had a few like these when I did tech support. One I remember was e-mailing an instruction to a user which included:

Password field: leave blank

I eventually got a response that said:

When I type in" leave blank" as the password the system rejects it. I have tried both upper and lower case but it doesn't work. Can you please reconfirm that the password is "leave blank" please?

[bhg481]

If such things amuse you, and they do me, check out this website:

http://rinkworks.com/stupid/

The entries are old and might refer to things that some users are unfamiliar with such as modems and floppy disks. The one which amused me most, which I can't instantly find, was a person who was complaining bitterly that he couldn't get his PC to work. After some time it emerged that there was a power cut in his building; he was advised to put the PC back in its box and return it as he was too stupid to use it.

[Ellipsis]

Tech support: Hello, Microsoft Technical Support. How may I help you?

Customer: Eggshell.

Tech support: I'm sorry sir, this is Microsoft Technical Support. I think you may have the wrong number.

Customer: EGG-SHELL.

Tech support: Ah, Mr Connery ... having trouble with your spreadsheets again?

[piggynose]

A big yawn.

[ToraToraTora]

this one is legendary:
http://wise-obs.tau.ac.il/~friedel/computer_fun/jokes/help-desk.html
not sure if it's true but hilarious!

[bhg481]

TTT - that's the one I was referring to.

[ToraToraTora]

this is another doozie
https://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~mbarrien/jokes/techcd.txt

[bookbinder]

Every one a winner!

[Togo]

Tech Support. "How big is your hard drive?

Customer. I haven't got a hard drive it's gravel....and only big enough for one car.

[Canary42]

Love it Togo :-D

[Togo]

Tech Support. "Tell me, what does it say on your computer?

Customer. Q W E R T Y...

Tech Support. Nooo, what does it say on the screen?

Customer. I thought the buttons were my Computer.......