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How Do I Handle Deconverting

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Evan2020 | 07:51 Wed 20th Oct 2021 | Religion & Spirituality
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I was not raised religious and my dad is agnostic and my mom always believed but didn’t go to church but I felt something missing in my life and got into a local Baptist church after I found God on my own in 2019 as I loved the friendly people and the way they preached the Bible and Jesus but then over time realized that no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t leave behind all the rap and rock music I love and friendships I cherish that came from bonding over that music and I then realized it equally wasn’t my true self to oppose homosexuality or think that all non-believers and non-Christians go to hell when I truly thought about it and that my flaws weren’t improving like I thought they would. So my parents would not shame me for making my own decision, but my mom might be a bit disappointed due to the fact that she does think faith is important and appreciates that I led her back to God and going to church but what I really am concerned about is whether or how to tell my church friends who would be legitimately upset and not bother to understand any of my reasons for deconverting and am stuck between dreading the unpleasant conversation but also feeling it’s honest and liberating to tell them and not have them deceived into thinking I am still the believer they know when I am not and then if they want to be friends and are willing to not insist on dwelling on talking to me about reconverting then I can handle that but if they don’t want to keep hanging with me I’ll be fine and probably better hanging with my secular friends and family who appreciate me regardless of beliefs and bond with me over music and other things. Plus, when I at this age of 21 that I am now think of certain things I have done that were so wrong throughout my childhood and teenage years, it makes me question whether my nature really is flawed and needs redeeming, but then when I think of my amazing Dad who is agnostic, I see nothing about him that says sinful in nature. So I really just don’t know how to handle this and if anyone could help I really would appreciate it.

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The most important thing is that you are true to yourself. You can't live life by other people's rules and nor should you try. Stop going to church if that's what you want and if anyone asks just be honest and say religion is not for you. The people who love you will still love you and your real friends will remain friends. The rest you don't need. Good luck.
08:19 Wed 20th Oct 2021
Chill out, listen to some good music.
Then decide
The most important thing is that you are true to yourself. You can't live life by other people's rules and nor should you try. Stop going to church if that's what you want and if anyone asks just be honest and say religion is not for you. The people who love you will still love you and your real friends will remain friends. The rest you don't need. Good luck.
Take your time. Enjoy your college years. They only happen once. I am sure you will encounter people with different beliefs and lifestyles and you need to be able to understand and accept their beliefs. There is no need to adhere to any one religion, just live your life the best you can and accept that others will also live theirs as they believe. Don't be judgemental. Be honest with yourself and others
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Thank you so much Naomi I totally agree. Have you ever been through anything like this with religion and de-converting? If you prefer to keep that personal you can let me know and I will gladly respect that.
Evan, Yes, but I didn't regard it as 'de-converting'. I read something that induced me to read the bible in full, including the bits the church doesn't teach and before long reached the conclusion that religion is the greatest lie ever told. 'Sin' is one of the most evil concepts ever devised by man. Unless I'm discussing religion the word has been erased from my vocabulary.
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Naomi wow thanks for sharing. How exactly was it different from deconverting for you?
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And Naomi I often hear exactly what you said that indeed it is ironically reading the entire Bible that motivates people to stop believing. The Bible itself is shaking my faith too as I haven’t read it all start to finish but I have grown aware of all the slavery, genocides etc and the vivid descriptions of eternal torment in the lake of fire.
Born into a Christian nation where, whether people like it or not, religion is instrumental to a degree in everyday life, I don't think I was ever 'converted'. I read profusely and having educated myself on the subject I simply re-claimed possession of my senses and recovered my brain.
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Ok got it thanks. Can you recall examples of how when you read the whole Bible that got you to figure out it’s all a lie?
Because God clearly wasn't what his followers claim him to have been - and neither was Jesus.
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Naomi like how exactly did reading the Bible show you that?
Too much to go into to tell you 'exactly' so suffice to say that, contrary to his followers' rhetoric, according to his track record, God wasn't perfect, he wasn't compassionate, he wasn't just - and he certainly wasn't omnipotent.

As for Jesus, put on your deerstalker - a la Sherlock Holmes - remove the unlikely, and take another look at the story.
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Ok will do thanks Naomi. That expression “put on your deerstalker” “remove the unlikely” means like to read it without being blinded by prior assumptions and automatic biases right? Just want to confirm I understand you correctly.
Right.
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Ok got it thanks Naomi. Yeah I already have started doing that somewhat and yes definitely Jesus doesn’t seem as lovely when you read everything without bias a few examples: eternal torment in fire, saying he came to divide families and that you must hate your father and mother and your own life to be his follower, praising the entire Old Testament law, equating lust with adultery, and equating divorce and remarriage with adultery. Are these some of the same examples you are thinking of too?
Hi Evan, The first thing to remember about Jesus is that he was a Jew, and since the texts have been changed a myriad of times over the centuries, what he said or didn't say can only be a matter of conjecture. However, if he did indeed tell his disciples to 'keep the law' - and I think it likely he did - he meant Jewish law - the laws of the Old Testament. I don’t believe Jesus ever intended for a new religion to surface in his name.

My conclusions have resulted from stripping away the unlikely - rising from the dead, for example. Dead people don't come back to life. They just don't. But then I ask 'If he wasn't who he is reputed to have been, who was he? I think the clues lie in the genealogies the New Testament presents - those of both his mother Mary, and of Joseph - his alleged step-father. If Joseph wasn't his father why is his family tree there? The Jews were expecting a messiah - a saviour - but they weren't expecting a spiritual saviour - rather one who would lead them in their quest to rid the land of the intruder - and Jesus, with his heritage, fits that bill admirably. Prophecy dictated that the messiah would be born of the House of David - and both family trees lead back to that.

Jesus was sentenced to death for insurgency - he was causing trouble - and for me everything, from the visit of the Wise Men, to Herod's slaughter of the innocents, to Jesus disappearance for years of his life, and what followed, leads me to believe that he fitted the label the Romans attached to the cross - King of the Jews.

Incidentally, I think he was married - and I don't believe he died on the cross but was rescued to live the rest of his life in the safety of exile - possibly in India where to this day a tomb exists allegedly containing his remains.

I hope you find all of that - or even some of it - of interest.
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Yes Naomi that is very interesting thank you. You really have interesting theories I had never thought of before. And so but just curious do you also agree with me on those examples I gave of things Jesus allegedly said make him sound much less appealing?
Those things are controversial today but Jesus' time they were the norm, which I why I emphasised his Jewish faith and his instruction to 'keep the law'. Going by current standards Jesus could also be accused of racism but condemning him for any of that parallels with today's 'woke' who condemn great philanthropists of the past for the evils of slavery. Those were the times they lived in so it really isn't fair or right - or rational - to judge them by today's standards.
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I fully agree Naomi. What is one example of something Jesus did or said that could be construed as racist by today’s standards?
He refused to help a non-Jewish woman, saying he had come only for the Jews. He was eventually persuaded.

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