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beeseejay | 16:53 Sat 28th Dec 2013 | Society & Culture
19 Answers
Just got a new phone/answering machine. It did not come with a built-in message. I would welcome suggestions for one please - humourous, even mildly abusive, but not too 'smart ar..y'. Thanks folks
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Alert your friends, then use this one which will deter any cold callers:
"This is Inspector Grahams of Scotland Yard speaking. The number you have called is the subject of a murder investigation and you are now a potential subject. I will need to interview you to ascertain your relationship to the deceased so please leave your contact details after the tone."

Mine says,
"You know who this is, you know what to do!"
Oh dear, I do hate answerphone messages which are "witty". My friend has one which says "..leave your number and we'll ring you back, but then, we might not". It makes me think, sod you then. Just leave a sensible message. Please.
I really like Mosaic's
I wouldn't leave a message on that, on principle.
Suppose it was your granny ringing you, and she thought you'd been murdered?
A friend of mine has on hers ..............

"Not in right now ... probably playing golf..."
"We may be out, or we may be in waiting for you to burgle us"
Ones which drive me mad are those which just say hello (in the person's own voice) so you start talking away then trying to work out if they can hear you etc... before you realise you're actually on voicemail.

I imagine listening to the messages may be amusing.
"Please leave your name and inside leg measurement after the tone and I will get back to you" :)
'We are currently screening calls'
Please leave a message after the tone. If I want to speak to you, I will ring you back. If not, I won't.
Either I'm not home or I'm busy loading my shotgun. My question for any thief that had the presence of mind to call first is . . . "Are you feeling lucky?"
What if Tone has not left a message Tilly?
She never phones me back, Daisy !.
I would!
IMO a witty message is a waste of time. Keep it simple. I can't be bothered to listen otherwise
'You are currently in a queue. One of our operatives will be with you in 27 minutes. Your call is valuable to us, please hold.....'
Mine says:

"Hi, you have NOT reached ll_billym...'

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