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wildwood | 00:12 Fri 30th Nov 2012 | Society & Culture
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I want to become more tolerant to gay's private lives. Can you help?

We have over the years become fairly friendly with a gay male couple who used to live next door, they make us laugh and are such a caring pair. We also have a gay niece so we are no strangers to it.

I am well aware that homosexuality is first and foremost an attraction to the same sex for companionship and comfort. Eventually though, it comes to sexual activity which is where my understanding falls down.

Although I don't make a song'n'dance about it, I honestly can't accept what a male couple get up to in the bedroom is normal. With females it seems to me to be different because of a lack of certain body parts!

I have heard all the 'live and let live' and 'none of your business' stuff but my discomfort with my feeling over this worry me somewhat.

Could we please not have any name calling or nasty remarks as this is how I feel and am baring my soul, hoping I can learn to understand better.


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"I want to become more tolerant to gay's private lives. Can you help?"

Deep breathing and a good book should take your mind off things for a while. Try not to dwell as the imagination can (and apparently does) run riot.
I don't tend to think about what other people get up to in the bedrooms regardless of sexuality. I would question yourself as to why you do give it any thought at all. It's not for you to accept what is normal in the bedroom between two consenting adults, again regardless of sexuality. If you can't come to terms with it then that's fine, but why would it even be a consideration anyway? It has no bearing on your life or well being so no need to give it a second thought.
I'd try not to speculate if I were you. We don't speculate about what heterosexual couples get up to behind closed doors.
Same as the other replies. You don't need to understand it. It doesn't concern you at all and has no relevance to your life. I can't understand a lot of things, e.g. I can't understand why people like bananas!
People are all different in so many ways.

And quite honestly gay couples might not understand what pleasure hetrosexual couples get from each other.

Stop worrying about it wildwood.
Does it really matter about the nuts and bolts of it all? Your heterosexual relationship is probably different to the next persons so I expect their sexual relationship is different to any other homosexual relationship. Your feelings of discomfort are for you to deal with, they aren't harming anyone, each to his own. At least they are not belting seven shades out of each other or neglecting their kids.
Hi wildwood,

More tolerant?.......just dont think like that, and enjoy them for who they are.....after all, they are, pure and simply, human beings just like everybody else who's heterosexual, bisexual etc, and as long as they are happy, thats ALL that counts and is important.

I know many. many gay and lesbian singles, and couples in my personal life and mainly through my association in the music business for nearly 30 years, and do you know,wildwood?.....just as you say that the couple you mention seem like really great fun and good to be with.....SO are they! far as the "what males get up too in the bedroom"....its their way of showing love and affection, just like we do to our partners.

You say your niece is love her no different than if she was straight? Yes?

This is 2012 wildwood, not the dark ages mate.

All the very best

They don't actually do anything that hetero couples don't do to each other.
In every place I've ever worked, the 'gay' man has always been my best friend. Sometimes a bit judjemental and bitchy, but fine people.
In one place, because I was close to him, I was asked all sorts of questions about him, did he have a partner,etc. Whether I knew or not, I just used to say that I didn't know and it wasn't my place to ask.
Get a grip!! For Funks Sake

Not all gay men have anal sex, just like not all women have anal sex.
you don't actually know what they get up to in the bedroom (I can't help; I don't know either). You can imagine, of course... but then it's your imagination coming up with all these unnatural things; they may be doing nothing of the sort. They may, for instance, be doing many of the things heterosexuals do.

As others have suggested, the answer is really not to worry about what other people do in private - in or out of bed.
Quite right, ummmm, many I have known just like skin contact, as this is just as much of a turn on.
One of the major problems facing humanity is the over-population of the planet, so why not consider that at least they are making no contribution to that.
good point, khandro
So if you were friendly with hetero neighbours who were into s&m would you spend lots of time thinking about what they get up to? Or would you not care because it's one man and one woman and therefore 'normal'? Why on earth are you thinking about friends' 'private lives' at all? Frankly that is a little creepy and I for one am glad I don't know you in real life - I'd hate to think you were whiling away your hours imagining my bedroom antics...
Nobody is asking you to perform homosexual acts, wildwood. When they do, that is the time to worry about what that involves. Until then, why worry about other people's private activities?
Crikey ........I'm now wondering what old mr & mrs Braithwaite next door are up to. :0(
Is that you up the ladder outside our house, MT?
has he got the night-vision binoculars again, boxtops?
He's going to be disappointed, I'm only cleaning my light bulbs :-)
(sorry wildwood, for digressing)

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