I Have

marval | 22:53 Sat 14th Jul 2018 | Jokes

2 Answers

I have been playing Guitar for two years, two weeks and 5 days. I should probably stop and have a rest.

I can’t believe the price of bubble wrap now. It is five quid a pop.

On my first day of pre-school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was all alone, surrounded by trees and bushes.

I walked downstairs this morning to find an obese monk meditating in the middle of my kitchen. “What on Earth’s this?” I asked my partner, utterly perplexed. “Well,” he said. “You did say we should get a deep fat Friar.”

I work in a factory where it’s my job to fit metal pipes to the back of cars to release waste fumes into the atmosphere. It’s exhausting.

I wanted to sue the manufacturers of my two-legged tripod, but I was told it would never stand up in court.

I am going to make a fortune making posh hats. This time next month, I’ll be a milliner.

My partner phoned me today to tell me that the fire alarm had gone off. I didn’t even realise it had a sell by date.

I am a successful prop designer. My work could be holding up your washing line.