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retrocop | 01:05 Mon 16th Feb 2015 | Jokes

2 Answers

Picture Saddam Hussein sitting in his office contemplating the current crisis and drinking coffee... His phone rings…

"Kia Ora", would that be Saddam Hussein?"
"Hello, yes, this is Saddam speaking, who is this and what do you want?"
"Well now Saddam this is Rangi, and I'm ringing from the Lonely Arms Pub in Auckland, New Zealand, to tell you that we are officially declaring war on you"
"Well, Rangi," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," said Rangi, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Toru, my next door neighbour Rua, and the entire dart team from the Pub. That makes eight altogether"
Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Rangi that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Heck!" said Rangi. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Rangi calls again. "Bro, its me again Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get the hold of some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Rangi?" Saddam asked.
"Well, we've got two tractors, a bulldozer, and the loan of Rua’s Honda 90"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Rangi, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 11/2 million since we last spoke."
"Are you tricking me!" said Rangi. "I'll have to get back to you on that one"

Sure enough, Rangi rings again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Ewen Smiths micro-light with a couple of 12 bore double barrel shotguns in the cockpit, and four bro's from the golf club have joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you, Rangi, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface- to-air missile sites and since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"E mea, te riri nei au!" said Rangi, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough next day, Rangi calls again "Kia Ora this morning', Mr.Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Rangi, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of Beers, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners. Enter Further Question Details Here...