They Keep Coming, Even More.

[Rondy]

I quit using the metric system in January and I'm proud to say i'm finally back on my feet.
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My dear old grandad had an ordnance survey map tattooed on his chest, lovely bloke, you always knew where you were with him..
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I was incensed when I saw two urinating by my brand new Ford. Until they explained they were from the web site Wee by any car.
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I was driving on the motorway when I saw a sign saying beware pedestrians ahead , I thought wow they must be running at some pace..
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If anyone ls interested, Sainsbury's are selling lamb at 50% off this week,

That's sheep at half the price.
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The garden centre said I should grow annuals in pots so I’ve planted copies of The Beano, Dandy and Hotspur.
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Did you hear about the meanest man in the country? A He rang up a prostitute and asked her what night she was free.
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My wife was allowed to visit me one last time before I started my prison sentence.

"I've baked you a cake," she said, "And I've hidden something inside it that might help you in there."

"What is it ?" I asked nervously, "A tiny rock hammer ?"

"No silly, a tub of Vaseline!"
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My grandad collected antique timepieces.

When he died he left over 10,000 clocks.

It took nearly 3 years to wind up his estate.
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My mate said your first car is as memorable as your first kiss.

I’m not so sure.

My first was a right old banger that smelt of pee.

I can't remember what the car was though.
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[Ken4155]

😁

[Patsy33]

Haven't heard any of them. Some good ones there!..😆

[sandyRoe]

🤣