Donate SIGN UP

It's The Way I Tell Em.

Avatar Image
Rondy | 14:50 Sat 31st Aug 2024 | Jokes
1 Answers

I've cut down on my drinking. I now have one large dram before bed.
Last night l went to bed 6 times.

___

I got the job of senior director at old MacDonald's farm
I'm now the CiEiO.

___

Me: “Who is the most handsome man in the world?”
Wife: “Ewan McGregor”
Me: “Thank you but you can just pick one”

___

I was talking to a nurse the other day, she said the problem with the world today is Holby City.
On second thoughts she might have said obesity.

___

Paddy & Murphy are doing the crossword puzzle.
Paddy asks: "How do you spell paint?"
Murphy replies: "It depends, what colour?"

___

My mate said he toured round the north of France this summer and raised money by doing Star Trek impressions.
I said, "Dunkirk?".
He said, "Yeah, I did them all."

___

My wife had just gone into labour.
NURSE: "Have you considered Epidural Anaesthesia?"
ME: "It's OK, we've already chosen a name."

___

This chef on TV just said, "Where there's fat, there's flavour."
I know he means food, but I still took it as a compliment.

___

We have to thank that clever man for inventing electricity,
otherwise we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

___

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of getting a Labrador."
"Sod that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind."

___

I got a rash from using a can of adhesive.
I guess I must be glue tin intolerant.

___

A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labelling gun. Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head..

___

My American friend asked me if I had ever been abroad?
I said: "No, I've always been a fella!"

___

 

Gravatar

Answers

Only 1 answerrss feed

Best Answer

No best answer has yet been selected by Rondy. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.

For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.

There are some good ones there 

Only 1 answerrss feed

Do you know the answer?

It's The Way I Tell Em.

Answer Question >>