Jokes3 mins ago
Nhs Notes
These are actual notes that have been found on NHS hospital charts
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from her toes down.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from her toes down.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
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