War And Peace

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marval | 22:17 Wed 12th Jun 2019 | Jokes
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I was reading ‘War and Peace’ in bed last night, when my wife said, “What made you want to read that?” I said, “It’s a long story.”

I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home. I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

I have just bought a new Dell laptop, when I switch it on it calls me a ‘Plonker’.

I feel sorry for auctioneers, they always have a lot to deal with.

My friend asked me to look after his detective agency while he goes abroad on a surveillance mission. I told him to mind his own business.

I stayed in a really posh hotel. On the back of the door the sign read “In case of fire Gentlemen are required to wear smoking jackets.”

I have just registered for the ‘World bubble wrap bursting championship’. I haven’t got much of a chance but I thought I’d have a pop.

I was re-tiling my bathroom but when I had nearly finished I realised I didn’t have enough. I desperately tried to re-arrange them to look alright, but it was too futile.

They told me straight away at the interview that I wasn’t suitable for the job. “You haven’t had any experience in the restaurant business as a Sous Chef, have you?” they said. “How could you tell?” I asked. “Well,” came the reply, “the eagle feathers and warpaint.”

I heard vandals have broken into an origami exhibition and ruined all the exhibits. Police are trying to work out how events unfolded.


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Haha..Like the war and peace one!

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