I Have Lost

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marval | 15:32 Fri 31st May 2019 | Jokes
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After receiving a very persuasive e-mail, I have started on the African Prince diet. I have lost 1,000 pounds already.

I was asked to man the phones at work the other day. So I went round and drew a little moustache on all of them.

My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student. Pierre Pressure.

I was always better at Geography than Maths. When asked “what is long division?” I answered “The Berlin Wall”.

I see it is the inventor of the boomerang’s birthday today. Can I be the first to wish him ‘Many Happy Returns’.

We can’t decide where to go for our holiday this year, Portugal or Greece. My partner was leaning towards Greece. I wish he would stand up straight when I am talking to him.

A man came up to me and he said "Yellow, cyan, magenta". I said, "don’t talk to me in that toner voice."

A Lorry carrying Multi Purpose Cleaner has overturned on the motorway. Locals say its the worst case of Flash Flooding that they’ve ever seen.

There is a remote tribe that worships the number Zero. Is nothing sacred?

As a doctor/chef, it is not often that all my skills are required at once. Today was an exception though. In the middle of cooking dinner, I had to cure the ham.


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Haha...keep em coming, Marval!
I was pondering over the many happy returns of the boomerang. Then it hit me....
Crackers there marval. Geography v Maths - yes I was always divided on that.

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