Nightwatchman.....

[BANANASPLITS]

I have recently been employed as a nightwatchman by a security firm owned by my ex girlfriend.

My wife is furious that I still carry a torch for her .

[spathiphyllum]

Ahh, old flames

[Spicerack]

As long as you don't punch her time-slot.

[retrocop]

Your jokes do the rounds.

[retrocop]

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in
front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Go" written
in urine across the snow.
Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and
yells, "Somebody wrote a threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they
wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-*** had to be standing right on the porch when he
did it! Where were you guys?!" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly
at the floor. Bill hollers, "Well dammit, don't just sit there! Get out and
find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!" The
entire staff immediately jumps up and races for the exits.
Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says, "Well
Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do
you want first?"
Clinton says, "Oh hell, give me the bad news first."
The officer says, "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The
results just came back, and it was Al Gore's urine."
Clinton says, "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own Vice President!
Damn....Well, what's the really bad news?"
The officer replies, "Well sir, it's Hillary's handwriting."

[Spicerack]

Served him right.

[elliemay1]

What's the difference between a night watchman and a butcher?
One stays awake, the other weighs a steak.

[BANANASPLITS]

A butcher once bet me £100 I couldn't reach the meat on his top shelf ....I declined the steaks were to high!

[DTCwordfan]

The boss had listened in sympathetic silence as his nightwatchman went through the reasons why he needed, and felt he deserved, a raise.

With a compassionate smile, the Managing Director patted he younger man on the shoulder. *Yes, Splits,* he said kindly, *I know you can*t get married on the salary I*m paying you* and some day you*ll thank me for it.*

[BANANASPLITS]

Lol

[DTCwordfan]

I went for an interview for a job. "What are your qualifications for the job of night watchman?"

My reply - "The slightest noise wakes me up."

[Patsy33]

Ahh, in the spotlight again!...