Genius, Or Not.

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Jeza | 21:47 Thu 06th Nov 2014 | Jokes
7 Answers

You'll feel much better after this....
And then read it again; you’ll begin to think you're a Genius

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Ken tucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington DC

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a ***, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas .

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's all the impurities in our air and water that are doing it"
--Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL Quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
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Love it Jeza, I feel really superior now :-)
LOL, great stuff, Jeza.
I recall reading Donald Rumsfeld's much quoted and criticised comments about Things we know we know etc and thinking What's wrong with that? I was never sure what that said about me!
This is Heather Whitestone and I think your all being awful mean to her!!!
There was also that Dan Quayle clanger "I wish I learned Latin at school so that I could talk to the people of Latin America". I don't know whether or not that's a true quote or not but I like it anyway. It's probably not true but I really hope it is.
Pat woke one morning.
He said to himself "It's my birthday today the 5th of May,5th of the 5th.
He decides to take the day off and go to the races.
Waiting for the bus,the first one that comes along is the number 5.
Going into the race course he looks up.
Turnstile number 5.
He said "There must be something about all the 5 s today"
He waited until the 5th race went to 5th bookie and put a fiver on number 5.
The horse cam fifth!

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