It Is The Law

marval | 18:42 Fri 19th Sep 2014 | Jokes

4 Answers

A lawyer was questioning the testimony of a witness to a shooting. "Did you see the shot fired?"

"No sir, I only heard it."

"Stand down, said the judge sharply. "Your testimony is of no value."

The witness turned around in the box to leave, and when his back was turned to the judge he laughed loudly and derisively.

Irate at this exhibition of contempt, the judge called the witness back to the chair and demanded to know how he dared to laugh at the court.

"Did you see me laugh, Judge?" asked the witness.

"No, but I heard you," retorted the judge.

"That evidence is not satisfactory, Your Honour," said the witness respectfully.

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

Lawyer: "Was the deceased in the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?"

Witness: "I don't know."

Lawyer: "Come now, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?"

Witness: "I never happened to be with him when he was alone."

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given to the panel:

"An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.”

"See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate.

"During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbour. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him."