Friend's Terrible Dilemma

[Connemmara]

I really could not tell you re the above as it is so extremely personal but she has had the complaint for some time and "hormones" are involved - consultants etc seem to be baffled with her complaint and unfortunately last night I went onto internet cos sister read that some of her complaints matched hers when I read the information (please don't say that wrong information was read - the information is exactly as she has told me) and I was very very upset and was crying - I am still very upset today - can anybody tell me why I take on everybody's problems so bad. I am quite depressed for her cos I don't know whether she is going to get any better. Sorry for not releasing her personal problems so that some of you could help but just need help for me to try and be a bit philosophical or whatever.

[cazzz1975]

I think the consultants would have ruled out or confirmed the condition you discovered on the internet. unlike the internet, they can perform scans, blood tests and all manner of things. try to stay positive

[gness]

Conn...deep breath now and calm down..the internet is great but can sometimes send us the wrong way.
If she is ill she will do best by seeking medical advice and by you staying strong and helping her when she needs it which I'm sure you will.
Have you anyone you can share your concerns with in confidence. How good is your Parish priest? x

[EcclesCake]

Taking on someone elses problems is a way of hiding from your own.

[Mamyalynne]

Conne, some of us are natural born worriers and take on others woes - as Cazzz says, let the professionals help her and be supportive.

[mrs_overall]

Probably because you are a good friend and a caring person you take it to heart. Try and tell yourself you will be of much more use to your friend if you are cheerful, positive and upbeat

[ummmm]

I think we all feel similar to that when one of our friends are given bad news. I suppose we just all cope differently.

[Connemmara]

Thanks for your input - she is seeking medical help and receiving injections etc but they are giving her side effects - it is so baffling particularly when she is 63 years old - no I could not talk about it to anyone - just my sister whom friend told aanyway - she was upset too last night - it is so unbelievable and completely unheard of by me anyway - Other friends are enquiring about her and all I say oh her hormones - I will just pray for her and me.

[friedgreentomato]

You may not like some of the answers you get in chatter bank, it may have been better to post in body ans soul

[Connemmara]

thanks China Doll - if I was attention seeking and self centred surely I wouldn't be airing my grievances to people I dont know - I just use this site when there is literally nobody I can tell the problem to but you are entitled to your opinion.

[gness]

Okay Conn....if there is no-one to talk to then do try to be calm...that way you will be able to help her most.
Pray for her and for yourself and I'm sure others on here will do so too.
And come on for a natter when you feel like it. x

[Mamyalynne]

Make sure she reports unwelcome side effects to the doctor treating her and hope they help her.

[Connemmara]

You are probably right Friedgreen - never thought about of body and soul - will go there in future so wont be seen as self-centred and selfish. No wonder Nox is leaving the site as sometimes one can be hurt by it but then I tell myself there are other good people on here to give you good advice.

[tonyav]

Take no notice Connemmara, it's just the way your built not everybody's the same. If it makes you feel better to get it of your chest then do so.

[MadMen]

It's only natural to worry about those close to us, Conne.
My only advice, and it's not much, is to stop looking stuff up on the internet. It will only make you panic more, and cause you stress. AB is good when it comes to needing a little pick-me-up. Whether it's a laugh you need, or a moan, there's always someone around... although I'm not sure you'd get much sense after a certain hour! lol

Don't suffer in silence.

[China Doll]

Of the 13 answers you've had (at my time of typing this), 3 are yours, 1 is mine and the other 9 are supportive to you. Try and keep a sense of perspective and focus on the other answers if you do not like mine. You asked for philsophys and I gave mine to you. I would have answered the same in B&S if you had posted it there. This is my opinion which as you say I am entitled too.

I believe that there is something very wrong with a person who believes that they 'take on everybody's problems' to the extent that you, and many other people do. You getting upset about it will not change that. So as I said, focus on the answers that were more supportive or pleasing to you.

[ummmm]

I just can't understand why an anonymous person cannot talk about their anonymous friends on an anonymous site.

[DTCwordfan]

Conne, you won't be a help to her if you are gibbering wreck in front of her or any friends/contacts that may be asking after her.

This is all about you caring and you need to rationalise your thoughts so that you can present a strong and considerate front and be a real friend to her.

So two things:

Perhaps sit down and quietly write down the major points and how you should respond, and include any questions that you may have - these may be about her condition or even the emotional side and then you can work out who best to approach (perhaps its here on AB that some of your answers will be).

The one fundamental, the key thing to your friend is to be there for her and there's an old adage for sales and counselling and that is "God gave you two ears and one mouth - use them in that ratio." Listen, listen and listen and don't formulate opinions or solutions too quickly - take your time and think (the "don't leap and jump").

Lastly, I agree, you may wish to come off CB and put your question on Body and Soul.....the Ed more closely watches and acts on those being inane over there, recognising that a little well-judged humour can be beneficial.

Good luck

[Connemmara]

MadMen you better believe I am so sorry I looked the bloody thing up - I tore up the www thing so I would not remember it again.

[MadMen]

I understand. I used to have a huge big book, some kind of Health/Medical Encyclopedia. Every time a family member had a symptom or was ill, I'd be in the book, looking up all sorts of things and causing myself incredible worry.

I know you said you don't want to say what's wrong, but I think it would be really helpful to you.
There are lots and lots of really knowledgeable people on here, with various different life experiences, and they may be able to offer you comfort and advice from personal experience.