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Teaching Maths In Britain

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Slapshot | 00:43 Tue 05th Feb 2013 | Jokes
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Teaching Math in Britain, Past, Present and Future(?)

1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100..
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
Your assignment: What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
Your assignment: How much was his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to religious groups not consulted in the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target.

When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail again the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and leave behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting.

The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

6. Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot with only some government money left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry - however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonuses are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances. You do the maths.

8. Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة
> الانتاج 80 من
لثمن. ما هو الربح له؟= 20

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brilliant - and very amusing
Xenophobic rants masquerading as jokes are becoming rather tedious.
Excellent,Slapshot,will send this one to mates.

Quite why humourless prigs keep scouring the jokes section to take faux offence & parade their 'right-on' credentials is a mystery to me.
Still, they're often funnier than the jokes,bless them.
I wonder what number 4 was.

So in number 8 the answer is actually given as the Arabic translation seems to be :
"A registrar sells a truckload of lumber for $ 100. His cost of
production 80. What is his profit? = 20"

I'd have thought this would have been updated over the last few years to show something like Polish rather than Arabic.

Hey- look at the Related Post below. Some say that facility is a joke but it's worked here.



Absolute quality ..... a lot of home truths in there to be honest =/
I teach Maths and I don't see any home truths in it, Gizmonster. I do accept that a lot of calculus material covered in 1970 at 'O' level is now left until first year of A level, but in reality things have gone the other way- long wordy questions in 1970 and short structured questions (with helpful diagrams) in 2011.
What I was implying was that I think that exams have got progressively easier over the years. I can't believe for 1 milli second that teaching standards have improved year on year (or maybe that students have got more intelligent), as suggested by the ever-improving pass rate.
I have a niece whom I recently helped with her GCSE maths revision and to be quite honest, she was a lacking in, what I consider to be, some quite basic maths knowledge.
You can hopefully understand my disbelief, when she proudly told me that she got a grade A in her maths exam !!!!
Question Author
I just hate maths with a loathing, doing Physics at Uni was fun more so if hadnt involved all that Maths nonsense... Go look up some of the equations attached to the Laws of Thermodynamics or the Lagrangian Mechanics equations.... Maths is not fun!!! Any humour one can extraxt from it is a bonus.

To those who pick these posts apart for being racist; i'm sorry you fail to see the humour that exists in the world, I suppose a couple of muslims telling gags about us infidels would be okay
Question Author
Actually this joke is an anti joke.... what we call in the quantum physics world, the anti-joke, a very elusive joke indeed.

The anti-joke looks the same as an opposing, positive joke yet when the two come together it manages to annihilate the actual joke thus emitting a residual, depressing, negative wave when the observer collapses from the reality of the creation of the joke.

In simple terms....it would be much funnier if it wasn't true!!
I think some of the ideas in the joke ( dumbing down, political correctness) are good- I suppose that on thinking about it I just don't see the humour in the use of Arabic- what is it supposed to be based on?
As a mathematical physicist I have to agree with you that maths i not "fun" in the usual sense of the word. That doesn't mean it's not enjoyable to do. And there is a hidden beauty to it - yes, even in Lagrangian Mechanics! Still, it's all a matter of taste. Suffice to say that Physics and Maths just couldn't function without each other.
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