A man suspected his young wife of being too friendly with another man, so he hired a famous Chinese detective, Won Lo Pan, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later he...
Five guys were in a bar. Feeling slightly sloshed, they started to argue with each other about the size of their penises. Eventually the discussion escalated into a full-blown argument, with each man...
I was in Tesco earlier, and I said to the checkout lady, "This has got today's date on it love. Can I get something knocked off?" She said, "Do you want the flipping newspaper or not? ________________...
The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their mothers did for a living. One little girl said her mother was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny's...
A television licence detector calls at a house in Glasgow and asks to see the licence. But the wee woman is in an awful hurry to catch her bus. As she flies down the stairs she shouts back: "A've got...
There was a farmer who had a brown cow and a white cow and he wanted to get them breeding, so borrowed his neighbour's bull and turned it loose in the pasture. He told his son to watch and come in and...
I went out for Chinese food last night and got chatting with the waiter. He told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a kamikaze pilot and his code name was "Chow Mein". I said, "Correct me if...
Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his...
Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few days, his uncle showed him the usual things- chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it...
A young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a terrible discharge." The doctor lays her down, lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and asks her, "How does that feel?"...
The town drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?" "A mongoose." "What for?" "Well, you know how...
THESE ARE REAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY THOMSON HOLIDAYS. 1. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.” 2. “They should...
I saw a homeless man & I asked him if I gave him £20 would you buy booze? He said no he hadn't had a beer in years. Then I said if I give you £20 will you buy fishing gear? He again said no, he...
This is probably doing the rounds at the moment - but it made me smile. After 10 years a wife started to think their child looked kinda strange, so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not...