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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Patsy33
Just saw this bloke going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit's feet. I thought "he's pushing his luck."
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melv16
Karl Marx's sister was called Onya?
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Rondy
A police officer rings into his station: "I'm at this house sergeant, the one where a woman has shot her husband for walking on the floor that she'd just mopped."

"Ok, constable, have you arrested...
...
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melv16
Does Kerry Katona have a cat?
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maggiebee
ADULT A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOUR A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS The only... ...
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Rondy
That storm Isha is so violent. I phoned the landlord this morning.
I said "It's about our roof."
He said "What about it?"
"We'd like it back!!" ___ I haven’t tried yoga, but I have tried bending over... ...
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Rondy
A waiter places a warm cup in front of the gentleman. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
The waiter, looking... ...
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Khandro
Well, it made me laugh https://ibb.co/Mg9z7B8 ...
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Rondy
A Yorkshireman's beloved wife passed away. He went to a stonemason to sort out a headstone for her grave. Being a devout man, he decided the inscription should read, 'She was thine'. The... ...
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Rondy
As a trucker stops at a red traffic light, a blonde catches up. 
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. 
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is... ...
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Canary42
. . .  is still over 3 weeks away yet the supermarkets have had milk, eggs, and flour on the shelves for months.
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Rondy
I went to buy a digital watch and the guy tried to sell me an analogue one. I said to him, "What is this, a wind up?" ___ My wife asked me what see should do with this bubble wrap? I said just pop... ...
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Rondy
My friend was in Canada and was attacked by a huge bear…
I'll spare you the grizzly details! ___ Spent all day horse riding…
It was great until I ran out of 50p coins! ___ I haven't renewed my... ...
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Patsy33
A real man would never stand there and watch his woman pay for anything. He would go out and wait in the car.
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Rondy
Two young guys were at a party in the woods with some friends, all drinking beer, when all of a sudden there was a tremendous storm with lots of thunder and rain.
The two of them ran through the... ...
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Rondy
They said on tv this morning that 20% of all driving accidents are cause by drunk drivers. That means that the other 80% are caused by drivers that are stone cold sober.
In other words If all... ...
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Rondy
I’ve learned 99% of the English language.
I’m almost their. ___ I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shouted:
"This is a stick up!" ___ Yesterday I went rock... ...
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maggiebee
Housework was a woman's job (?) but one evening, Maggie arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the cooker, and... ...
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Rondy
A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor.

"Is Fred home"? he asked the woman who answered the door.

"Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton."

The next day, the collector... ...
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Patsy33
The most quiet place I've ever lived was right above a Bowling Alley.   It was so quiet you could here a pin drop..

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